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Choosing a loved one, the woman thinks not only about how to develop a relationship in a couple after marriage, but also whether her man will be a good father and a role model. If the next ten points are suitable for describing a young man, chase away doubts - your unborn child will call him the best dad in the world.
The ability to quickly find a common language with other people's children
Watch how he gets along with his little nephews or your younger brother and sister. Especially in a situation when they are capricious and crying. This is one of the most reliable ways to understand his attitude towards children and see him as a caring dad.
Ability to notice children everywhere
When you are at the grocery store, does your lover break into a sweet smile at the sight of a charming baby in the arms of a woman standing in front of you in line? Such cases give the girl the full right to be proud of his choice, because her man has every chance to become the perfect father. Do not doubt, such a young man already adores his future children!
The ability to accept others as they are
He is able to suddenly make adjustments to his schedule, and this is tantamount to a willingness to become an inimitable father, who will make breakfast for the child and allow him to stay up late, reading the new comic. Of course, there should be certain rules in the family, but they do not create unforgettable moments.
You may know that you are a good father when your children love to be with you.
Carrying a 60 pound backpack in the rocky desert of Colorado is difficult. If you are used to breathing at sea level, the high altitude makes it even more physically demanding.
When our guides stopped and surveyed the earth with a puzzled look, my heart sank. Something went wrong. We had to come to the creek, which would confirm that we are on the right track. But it was not there. We made the wrong turn. In the end, we moved away and found the right path and stream.
As fathers, we can sometimes feel at a loss. We may have uncertainty as to what we are as fathers.
Although we will never be perfect on this side of heaven, if you practice the following 10 things firmly, you will know that you are on the right path to being a good father. You will know that you are setting the example your children need.
1. When you help your children with their lessons.
2. When you show your interest in their hobbies
3. When you show love to your wife in front of them.
4. When you support their respectful treatment of you and each other.
5. When you just like being with your children and they with you.
6. When your son or daughter comes to you, when they get hurt
7. When your calendar is full of things you want to do with your children.
8. When you calmly and gently raise your children, without screams and screams.
1. Signs of a windy romance
Didn't you have time to meet him, but he already confesses his love and makes an offer? Romantic! But think for yourself: a person who understands what family and responsibility for a family is, that relationships need to be built and it is not easy, will it be so frivolous to make an offer to a virtually unfamiliar girl under the influence of a sudden charm? Such levity is peculiar to the rather immature, infantile man. As an option, the fraudsters, who are counting on you to “wrestle” as soon as possible, behave this way.
Even if he doesn’t turn out to be a marriage swindler, it’s still at the slightest complication that he would just as easily give up his intentions, and in general he hardly imagines what a serious relationship is, soaring in romantic dreams. He is not ready to cope with difficulties. Such men usually make a lot of promises easily and take on a lot of obligations, trying to make an impression and assuring their reliability. Do not be deceived, really reliable people very rarely make promises, carefully weighing first whether they can actually fulfill them, and more often they do not promise, but they do.
2. Signs of an alcoholic - he is a gamer or some other addict
It’s not about the fact that he will miss a bottle of beer after work or sometimes play a “shooter”, although it should be alerted, but about dependencies with all that it implies. People of a certain psychological type with whom it’s impossible to build a normal family have a penchant for drug addiction. Such a person prefers to avoid problems instead of solving them, and is also not responsible for his actions.
In the candy bouquet period, you may simply not know that he likes to drink or hangs for days in games. How to determine this tendency? Pretty simple - listen as he speaks, talks about something. If, speaking about what he has done, a person often speaks about himself in the third person or uses impersonal language, such as: “It happened so”, “They brought me”, “They made me”, “I was not lucky”, that is, it always finds the cause of what is happening to him and what he is doing, not in himself, but in something or someone else, you can be sure that you have a future (or already real) alcoholic or at least, an infantile person who will have to be nursed.
Famous psychotherapist M. Litvak gives examples confessions in love alcoholic: “I can’t live without you!” “You are my only chance for happiness!”, “Only you will make me happy!” Do you notice? - a person immediately recognizes the dependence of his happiness and even life on someone else - in this case, from you. Maybe it flatters, but do not flatter yourself - then you will be “guilty” of his misfortune and that he drinks or plays. If he promises “for your sake” to quit his addiction, do not believe - it will definitely not end with good!
3. Signs of a chronic loser
Bribing words: Only you understand me! He complains about life, some circumstances, bad luck, parents, friends, ex, that no one understands him ... He scolds the government, the authorities, the neighbor is an eternal victim of circumstances. You got a loser. And no matter how much you nursed him, he will remain so to them.
This is his life position, which for some reason is beneficial to him. For example, it frees him from the need to do something and allows himself to forgive a lot. He is so unhappy! - what you take from him? Do not even hope that after you regret him, support and solve some of his problems - he will perk up and develop vigorous activity, as he promises you. He will simply find another reason to suffer, be sure!
If you think that in response to help, he too will understand you and solve your problems, then here you will find disappointment - his sensitivity extends only to him, the one you love. A person who understands others will not complain about misunderstanding. The reaction to your expectation from him of some kind of contribution to the family will be scandals, accusations and offenses, followed by a search for someone who will "understand" him in his complaints about your "bitchiness".
4. Symptoms of a woman hater
Listen to what and how he talks about his ex. If a man speaks of the women with whom he had a relationship, rudely and evil, if he proudly says: "Then I told her:" Fuck you ... so-and-so! ", Then we can conclude that refers to women in general. This includes expressing the type: "All women are fools (or worse)!", And in general any emphasis on insurmountable gender differences.
And let him not deceive you if at the same time he even praises the Real Woman, singing her “divine” qualities that are supposedly inaccessible to a man - he still does not recognize her as a man, categorically denying her at the same time “male” compensations. This will manifest itself even brighter as soon as he considers that some woman does not reach the standards of the “goddess” - she immediately becomes a “goat”, unworthy of a human relationship.
Obviously, those who do not respect women in principle, consider them “second class” and are capable of being rude to them, will eventually treat you the same way, no matter how much he asserts that you are “special” on those “goats” "Not like. Naturally, you can immediately say goodbye to a man if he talks about how he hit (pushed, threatened, humiliated - and thus put in place) someone from your ex if you do not want to walk with bruises.
5. Signs of boor
Ham is a person who cannot respect others - their interests, opinions, personal space. Such a person always does not respect himself - and this is not cured, forcing cad to respect you personally will not work. Worse, rudeness in the course of life will result in outright rudeness, including the use of force, especially with children. During the period of courtship, he can be gallant and precautionary, but this courtesy is memorized, and not born with sincere attention — in trifles he will still reveal himself.
Alert if a man is late, without warning, “forgets” your requests and warnings, doesn’t watch his appearance, pulls his hands and climbs to kiss when you don’t want to, laughing overcoming your weak resistance - such a man is often convinced that female "no" is "yes" and comes in accordance with this "truth."
But the easiest way to recognize cad in relationships with other people. If he throws dust in your eyes, he will not stand on ceremony with others. See how he behaves with taxi drivers, waiters, in the queue, how he talks with his friends, and especially with those with whom he is in conflict. It is in the conflict cad manifests itself in all its glory! A person who respects himself and others will never overstep certain boundaries - will not insult, humiliate, be rude ... Ham is keeping himself in the framework only for the time being, all is well and when circumstances force him.
6. Signs of a home tyrant
Your chosen one likes to talk on the topic of "woman must"? He speaks: “I need a woman such and such - and you just fit”? It’s too obvious that such a person is not capable of building relationships - he needs a servant and a cook, someone needs to be commanded ... Perhaps he will even do what a man “must” himself, but you are not interested in him as a person nor your feelings and interests. And will not be interested. Are you ready for this?
It happens that at first the tyrant is masked - he emphatically respects your freedom and choice and at the same time avoids expressing your desires and preferences. It should be alerted. If a person really respects the other, he assumes the same respect for himself in him - he will not only ask about your desires, but also voice his own in order to come to a mutual agreement, and will not wriggle, trying to shift the responsibility to another.
A normal person is not afraid of the inevitable conflict of interests, being able to resolve conflicts without going beyond mutual respect. The tyrant, at first, can avoid any conflict, knowing that he will not be able to hide his essence. Instead, he will expect (even to demand at heart) that his relatives “guess themselves” about his needs, and takes offense at the unresponsive, accusing them of inattention and indifference.
When it is necessary to solve something together, he often says: “How do you say!”, “Everything is for you” - he does not believe in the possibility that it is possible to come to an agreement taking into account the interests of both. He has the “either-or” scheme: “won-lost”. Sooner or later the poles will change, and you will be required to "everything for him" - he will try to "win" at your expense. More information about the signs of a tyrant in the article "The head of the family or the home tyrant - signs of the disease." It is better to look at examples in more detail in real life stories from women about how a home tyrant behaves at the beginning of a relationship.
7. Signs of an eternal bachelor
Is your chosen one the “soul of the company”? These men are very attractive - they have charm, sense of humor, etc. They have many friends and many ideas how to have fun. There is nothing bad in the fact that a person knows how to rest. Bad - when he lives only for the sake of entertainment and socializing with friends. He is not interested in work, study, career ...
What does he tell you? What is he proud of? If all the conversations are built around entertainment, friends and hobbies, and he has no business plans or family plans, this is a very bad sign. Such a man is very jealous of his "freedom". He may be carried away by you, but he will still keep you at a distance, and you will see for yourself that the relationship with you in his life takes ... - the eleventh place. You may be able to marry him, promising that you will not mind his friends and hobbies. But you need it?
You will have to have fun with him and take his friends, which can be a lot of fun until the children go. The family is not entertainment, it will be boring and difficult for him, and he will always strive to run away to his friends, while you and your child will flop, solving all the problems themselves. And if he is at home, he will still find something to have fun, hang on social networks, for example - and you will not reach ... Even if he does not run away from the “bonds of marriage,” then you will actually alone with a living husband.
8. Signs of a womanizer
How often the family breaks up due to the betrayal of her husband! But the womanizer is also easy to learn. “You are the most beautiful girl I've ever met!” - this recognition betrays his passion for “collecting” girls. A womanizer is a success with women, he knows how beautifully, “professionally” to take care, while in the depths of his soul he has a low opinion of women and believes that anyone can be seduced.
He needs victories, not relationships. And after defeating you, he will be bored. And if you hear the reasoning from the series: "All men are polygamous" and "We change only with the body - and this does not mean anything, the main thing is that it is not a soulth " , then everything is clear with him: he will not miss the chance to “change with the body” :) An unpleasant jealousy can become an unpleasant surprise from such a man - after all, it is human nature to judge by oneself.
9. Signs of a jealous man
The fact that, he is jealous of you to each pillar, may at first seem to be a testimony of his love, but this is not so. In fact, it speaks of his deep insecurity. But more terrible than that - a jealous man does not trust a woman and does not respect her. He does not consider her a personality capable of choosing and being faithful to his choice. Build a normal relationship without trust, you know, impossible, not to mention that the jealous man is just dangerous.
A jealous man treats a woman as his property, an inanimate object. At first, it manifests itself romantically: “I will not give you back to anyone!”, “You are mine and only mine!”, “I do not want anyone to stare at your beauty, except for me - wear this skirt only at home”. It can "carefully" fasten the top button on your blouse in public ... It’s easiest to know a jealous man, I think. The trouble is that at first women are flattered by women - it seems to them that in this way they are distinguished from others. And when jealousy becomes threatening forms, it is already difficult to get rid of the jealous ...
How not to be mistaken in a man?
Many negative signs are interrelated and follow one from the other, that is, they can be combined in one person. Jonah often happens alcoholic. Misogynist more often - house tyrant. The ideology of the latter type is well described in the book “Woman. Textbook for men. Looking through this book, you will unmistakably recognize a fairly common category of men with whom it will not be possible to create a happy family - adherents of this doctrine.
You might think: “Somehow hopelessly everything turns out - moral moral monsters are everywhere ... Normal, worthy men can be found at all ?!” - Of course, decent men are found - and not rarely! Even some of the above symptoms may not be “diagnosed” - you must necessarily take into account the age and family in which the man grew up.
For example, sociability in 16-20 years does not necessarily mean that the young man will live for the sake of entertainment - this is just a feature of age. Deliberate rudeness can be just bravado, an awkward demonstration of "masculinity" that also passes. Drinking and playing do not necessarily indicate an addiction to alcoholism, or it may just be a tribute to the company - it’s not the fact of drinking that matters, but the personality storing and degree of involvement. We will talk about alcoholism - subscribe for updates ...
Look at the person as a whole. Be sure to ask him about his father and get to know him. If a man grew up without a father, by the way, then there is a chance that he will be a good husband and father, if his relationship with his mother is good (healthy!) - such boys understood mother well and, therefore, understand women (which is rare), and after suffering without dad, they are unlikely to give up their child.
А вот если мальчик рос с недостойным отцом, то вероятность, что он будет воспроизводить его модель отношений в семье и жизненную позицию, почти 100%, сколько бы он ни говорил, что не понимает и осуждает отцовское поведение. И наоборот, если его отец достойный и порядочный человек и мама с ним счастлива, то в этом случае есть надежда, что какие-то негативные признаки, которые вы замечаете в мужчине, исчезнут без следа в будущем. But if you find obvious signs of the aforementioned types in your elect, and especially several at once, then run - you should not hope for changes!
You should also pay attention to yourself - whom and why do we choose? Your personal life is failing all the time, you only come across the heroes of this article, and you do not even believe that there are others? And you all hope to heal them with your love, or just humbly endure, considering it a “women's share”? Then the problem is in you, but it is fixable - I recommend, for example, to familiarize yourself with the book “Women Who Love Too Much”, and in general to start working on yourself, sweeping out “cockroaches” that entail unhealthy relationships.
Women's insight is a powerful weapon. And in order to find out what kind of father your beloved man will be, it is enough to watch him. No magic and complex scientific tests you do not need!
Your boyfriend does not throw words to the wind. He lives by the principle: said - did. Therefore, when you have a baby, you can 100% rely on him. You do not have to call every 5 minutes to check that everything is in order. And he will definitely not forget to take the child from kindergarten.
Helps you around the house
Your boyfriend can easily wash his things, vacuum the house, wash the dishes. When he is in the kitchen, he is not subject to bouts of dementia. And that means - he will not leave you and the child hungry.
He loves animals and more than once started his pets. Well, if he had a dog. After all, he will know exactly what it is to feed and walk on a schedule. He will not be sick of one type of diaper. Taking care of those you love is a necessity for him.
He has a younger brother or sister
In a sense, for him, the role of the parent is not new. Perhaps in the past he made many mistakes. But now he will know exactly how to avoid them. Well, or at least will strive for it.
She loves children
He has a bunch of godchildren and nephews who literally worship him. Despite the huge difference in age, your boyfriend can find a common language with them.
He holds back his emotions
He is hard to ruffle. And this is a very fat plus. Indeed, in the future you are waiting for sleepless nights and many different surprises. Sometimes not very pleasant. Hysterical dad - the worst that can be in the life of a child.
He is not a careerist
Of course, your boyfriend is interested in a career. But he knows how to correctly allocate time and resources. Therefore, always gives you time and your relationship. And it gives him real pleasure.
He is not touchy
A man who constantly feels deprived of your attention and offended about and for no reason is the abyss. You are not ready to become a mommy for two at once?
He has a good heart
For some reason, many men confuse kindness with weakness. And deliberately add themselves notes of brutality. Your boyfriend is not like that. He knows that being gentle and caring is not a weakness at all, but a real strength.
He wants to be a good father.
And finally, if your boyfriend himself dreams of a baby and has discussed it with you more than once, be sure that he is ready to become the best dad on the planet. And you will surely help him in this!