Women's Tips

Emotional Domestic Violence


Emotional, moral or psychological violence is one form of violence that can cause injury, but not physical, but psychological. This is a kind of pressure on the psyche by methods not related to physical exposure. This type is most often found within families or in the workplace. And, as a rule, pressure is put on the weak, for example, on children or on people exposed to another's influence and not having willpower.

There are many different manifestations of emotional abuse, but they all come together in several categories. There are such types as:

  • Verbal, that is, verbal aggression. Its main feature is the impact on the victim through words.
  • Dominant behavior. In this case, the rapist in every way tries to show his superiority, so that the victim feels worthless and defenseless.
  • Jealousy, especially pathological and unreasonable, is also one of the types of psychological violence, and its manifestations can be obvious and extremely radical.

Possible reasons

The causes of emotional abuse can vary. Here are some possible:

  • Weakness of the abuser. In order not to feel worthless, he may find a weaker person and, through violence, confirm his imaginary strength.
  • Low self-esteem and desire for self-affirmation. If a person is not an accomplished and self-sufficient person and often faces setbacks, he will look for any ways to prove to everyone around him and himself that something is worth. And the easiest way to do this is by obeying someone else or putting pressure on him.
  • Communication problems, inability to interact with people. Often, perpetrators are people who cannot express their thoughts, seek compromises, or achieve the desired through conversations and other interaction options.
  • Wrong education. If parents since childhood allowed the offspring of everything, then it is likely that he will feel like the “navel of the Earth” and allow himself any liberties, including in relation to other people.
  • Various mental disorders, such as sociopathy, narcissism, depressive disorders, and so on.

How to reveal violence?

Manifestations of moral violence can be very diverse, and a person may not even guess what is a victim. If moral pressure is practiced in the family, then the spouses often look quite happy. Moreover, in some cases, the abuser is not aware of his guilt, and the victim perceives the harm caused by him as something completely normal.

This may be due either to extreme depression and apathy caused by pressure, or to misconceptions about interpersonal relationships. In other words, the victim may simply become accustomed to the effects and come to terms with it or, due to insufficient or improper upbringing, have no idea that it is negative.

Psychologists identify several levels of psychological violence:

  1. Behavior control. The rapist in every way controls his victim, and at all levels, including any actions, social circle, hobbies and so on.
  2. Thinking control, as a rule, manifests itself in certain attitudes imposed by the rapist on the victim, as a result of which she can no longer think independently and make decisions.
  3. Control on an emotional level. As a rule, rapists, especially “with experience” masterly control the emotions of the victim, manipulating them or causing the effect of the so-called swing, that is, dramatically changing the mood from elevated to depressed and in reverse order.
  4. Information control. Since the Internet and the media have become an integral part of life, rapists are well aware that various forums, magazines and websites can have a direct impact on the perception, thoughts and psyche of the victim. And therefore, a person who exerts pressure will do his best to control the incoming information, banning certain books, Internet resources, and so on.

How is violence manifested?

You can identify it by features such as:

  • constant criticism, extremely negative assessment of any actions, thoughts and actions,
  • Isolation of the victim, attempts to limit her social circle, or to completely stop any ties with friends and even relatives,
  • an expression of contempt, all sorts of verbal humiliation and insults, extremely unpleasant names,
  • attempts to instill fear, verbal threats of a different nature, blackmail,
  • total control of action, surveillance,
  • imposing own thoughts and attitudes
  • various accusations against the victim, the introduction of feelings of guilt,
  • the desire for constant presence, escort the victim,
  • sexual abstinence
  • attempts to force the victim to perform all orders of the abuser, to turn it into a servant,
  • emotional manipulation, intentional evocation of certain emotions,
  • attempts to instill the idea that the abuser and the victim are one,
  • the desire to prove their superiority
  • bans on certain actions, such as visiting certain sites, meeting with certain people and even hobbies and work.

If the pressure is not on you, but on another person, then it will be much more difficult to recognize the victim in it. However, some symptoms may indicate that emotional abuse is present. Such signs as depression, apathy, despondency, low self-esteem, refusal to communicate with certain people, unreasonable termination of work or a favorite cause, and so on, should appear suspicious.

How to cope with violence?

How to deal with pressure, how to survive emotional abuse? This advice will help:

  1. The first step is to recognize yourself as a victim. You need to analyze the relationship or communication with the abuser and understand that his behavior is abnormal and hurts you.
  2. Put your balance, safety and tranquility first. Even if you love a person, understand that you must take care of yourself first and foremost.
  3. If you do not plan to stop communicating with the person who is harming you, then mark the boundaries of communication with him. Put forward the conditions on which you are ready to continue the interaction, express your point of view and show that you are determined.
  4. Try to change the reaction to attempts at violence. Do not show emotions, try to respond calmly or ignore the words and actions of the abuser. And in order to knock him out of a rut and show that you are not his servant or victim, repay it with the same coin: for example, reply with an insult to an insult.
  5. What if you can’t handle the problem yourself? Ask for help and tell all your friends and relatives to help you find a solution and free yourself. You can also visit a psychologist who will allow you to open your eyes to what is happening and understand that you need to change something.
  6. The best option is to stop any contact with the abuser.

Possible consequences

The consequences of moral violence can be extremely negative. The victim will feel depressed, insignificant, weak. Such thoughts and emotions can lead to severe depression and even thoughts about suicide. In some cases, in the absence of timely assistance, everything ends in suicide.

Fight violence to become a free and happy person or to help someone.

Causes of Emotional Violence in the Family

Of course, nothing happens out of nowhere. Any actions have their reasons, as well as their consequences. Sometimes one of the factors listed below may act as a detonator, but their effect is most often observed in combination, which provokes the development of events according to a certain pattern.

Most of the reasons lies, above all, in a man. The key ones include:

    Psychological weakness. And due to the effects on the emotions and psyche of the wife, the husband tries to assert himself.

Mental deviation. It manifests itself as narcissism, borderline states, sociopathy. The reason may be a real psychological trauma. Although not infrequently emotional abuse of women is carried out by quite well-to-do men with happy childhood.

The need for self-affirmation. To psychological abuse of a partner can push low self-esteem.

Communication problems. Lack of education or the inability to express one’s thoughts often do not allow one to achieve stability in family relationships with the help of words and normal communication.

Past experience. The upbringing and development of a husband as a man in a specific environment can contribute to violence. And not only in a negative or rude attitude. But also when he was raised in permissiveness, extolling his obvious or imaginary virtues. As a result, a person feels his (often contrived) superiority over other people. Of course, not the last role is played by the relations in the family of the man himself, when he was still a child. After all, children tend to build their adult relationships in the image and likeness of their parents.

  • Self-realization at the expense of the victim. Banal desire for power, at least (or including) in the family. As well as uncertainty about the strength and stability of family relationships.

  • Verbal emotional aggression in the family

    Her form is perhaps the brightest and most aggressive. In addition, it can be easily determined even after a brief conversation with a tyrant.

    The main features include:

      Criticism. Rough or caustic assessment of the shortcomings of women both in private and in the presence of outsiders. For example, offensive remarks about the figure, manners of dress, mental abilities, and so on. Such statements may be accompanied by insults, but may be without them.

    Contempt. Negative statements about the work of a woman, her hobbies, beliefs, religious beliefs. A humiliating assessment of homework, childcare and other things.

    Despotism. The man uses in communication an arrogant tone, instead of requests - orders and instructions.

    Humiliation. Appealing to a woman using offensive words. For example, “hey you. Or other statements of this kind. Permanent direct insults without any reason (meaning, not even during a scandal or other stressful situation).

  • Verbal bullying. These could be threats of a ban on communication with children, beatings, or other physical violence against a woman herself or her relatives, including children, of a sexual nature. Quite often, emotional abuse is manifested in the fact that men threaten suicide. In all cases, a detailed description of actions can be added to enhance the effect.

  • This also includes accusations of their own or family failures, shifting responsibility for everything that happened solely to the wife.

    All these actions, as a rule, have one specific goal: to cause resentment, irritation, and in some cases, guilt feelings in the victim.

    Dominant behavior in emotional abuse in the family

    The fact that a man is a leader is absolutely indisputable. However, some of them need to prove daily to themselves that they are in charge.

    You can identify a male tyrant by the following signs in behavior towards your partner:

      The ban on communication. Deprivation of the opportunity to contact relatives, friends, colleagues at work in your free time. To this end, the phone can be withdrawn in one way or another, creating obstacles to the use of other means of communication. For example, via the Internet (Skype, social networks, etc.). A man can deprive his wife of the opportunity to use family or personal transport (take away rights, keys, drain gasoline from a tank, and so on). Destruction or damage to property (phone, clothes, car, and so on), including in some cases of its own, is also included in the usual "remit" of the tyrant.

    Shadowing. Here the range of actions depends on the technical and material possibilities of the man. Starting from the banal checking of messages and the list of calls in the mobile, e-mail through normal access and ending with the use of such means as listening to the phone, installing special software on a personal computer, tablet, smartphone. Covert surveillance (or vice versa, open surveillance) can also be used. And even in special cases, the husband can hire people to monitor the behavior and communication of his wife away from home.

    Constant presence. The husband does not leave his wife alone, always strives to be with her. At the same time, it may just be silent and go about its business. For example, read a book, chat by phone.

    Restriction on contact with the outside world. It happens that a husband establishes his domination by forbidding or by some other means preventing the woman from working, doing some kind of activity outside the home. In addition, in order to leave the house for whatever needs, the wife must obtain permission from her husband.

    Laying on the role of breadwinner. It happens the situation and vice versa, when there is assignment to the wife of the obligation to fully provide for the family financially. The husband may not work or earn a minimum, but the number of reproaches and the rude attitude of him comes constantly.

  • Abstinence. One of the manifestations of dominant behavior can be considered a deliberate ignorance of the wife in sexual terms.

  • In addition to these signs of emotional violence, expressed through dominance, there may also be complete control over all financial issues. However, some specialists in psychology and family issues distinguish such behavior in a separate category - financial violence.

    Other forms of emotional abuse in the family

    Jealousy, which manifests itself in constant accusations of adultery. There will be close intertwining with some signs of violent behavior from the first and second groups. Her husband’s strict control of his wife’s contacts at work, in her free time and even at home, regular inquiries resembling interrogation (where she was, with whom, who can confirm and the like). Often, all these manifestations of behavior are completely unfounded, the wife does not give a reason, but regularly hears reproaches and accusations against her.

    Some experts identify another form of impact on the psyche of a loved one, similar to the dominance - manipulation. This form of influence is milder, but it still has the same goal, characteristic of the previous three forms - the subordination of the wife’s feelings and actions to her personal convictions. In this case, “quiet” emotional abuse occurs, it is difficult to recognize the signs, because all the actions on the part of the husband occur secretly and fully consciously.

    The following features will indicate this:

      Bragging. Self-praise of the husband and the exaltation of their qualities, achievements over those of his wife.

    Oppression. Provocative feelings of guilt from his wife for the slightest mistake.

    Demand admiration. Flattery and ostentatious praise of the wife in order to call back in response to the same actions in his address.

  • Pressure. From the previous point, the following happens: lies and hypocrisy, withholding specific information, information, to make the wife worry, show nervousness and do something in exchange for providing full information.

  • Despite the fact that in different situations almost every man can do any of the above, it is far from always that such actions can be described as emotional violence in relationships. Moreover, there are quite definite signs of a psychological rapist.

    The mechanism for the development of psychological violence in the family

    In general, violence is a rather complex psychological process. Very often, the initial stage is not noticed either by the abuser himself or by his victim. After all, as a rule, in a young (newly educated) family, both partners are influenced by strong emotions, absorbed in sensual feelings towards each other. This is especially true for women as romantic and emotional natures compared to men.

    However, when the feeling of euphoria of the newlyweds passes, minor disagreements sometimes start, reproaches that give rise to the further development of the stages of violence:

      Peeling off the pedestal. Accusations in the style of "you are not so", "you do not do that." Permanent comments of this kind should alert, however, many women still feel being in love or, under the influence of upbringing, tend to please their husband, which, in turn, only increases the attacks from the second half. Emotional abuse without repetition begins to increase. This stage lasts on average up to six months. Gradually, a woman's self-esteem is changing, she is disoriented and projects a negative image onto herself, we impose on her husband. After this comes the next stage.

    Active pressure. The transition from "you are not so" to "you - a complete nonentity," evoking feelings of guilt. At the same time, constant quibbles not only continue, but also intensify. A woman no longer doubts that she is doing something wrong. She is just sure of it. Она начинает искать причины в себе, пытается менять поведение, угодить мужу, но ее состояние лишь угнетается новыми упреками.

    Полное подчинение. На следующей стадии происходит твердое убеждение и самоубеждение женщины в том, что она как личность и жена — полное ничтожество и неудачница.And if a psychological abuser demonstrates dominant behavior, limiting contacts with friends and relatives, then the feeling of guilt only increases. After indulging the wishes of the husband, the wife feels that by breaking old friendships and contacts with her relatives, she commits treason. Moreover, when trying to tell the second half about her experiences, a woman is subjected to even greater pressure and conviction that she acts meanly and is disgusting. This is followed by a fracture.

  • Break point. This is a state where the wife as a person is completely disoriented and crushed. She is completely deprived of the ability to give a sober assessment of her actions, she is ready to fully come under the control of her raping husband. During this period, for the complete submission of the victim to his will, the man may periodically participate, be affectionate, express feelings similar to those that were before or at the very beginning of the marriage. This will be the carrot that will not allow his wife to leave her husband, even if such an intention was. And under the influence of all this, and also often under the influence of education and public opinion, a woman acquires the firm conviction that a bad one is better, but a marriage than to be left alone. Of course, such a thaw will be followed by a new stage of humiliation and domination.

  • Against the background of such emotional shocks, psychological disorders develop, which often provoke physical (nervous diseases of internal organs, exacerbations of chronic diseases).

    Features psychological aggressor in the family

    People who are prone to moral violence of loved ones tend to control their relatives (of course, those who are weaker). They are distinguished by such traits: jealousy, a tendency to frequent gratuitous mood swings, suspicion, insufficient ability to self-control, a tendency to justify aggression or violence towards anyone in general.

    Psychological rapists have the ability to attract to their side not only friends or strangers, but even relatives of the victim (wife). In addition, sometimes these men may suffer from certain personality disorders.

    It is worth noting that initially the relationship with the future rapist resemble "Hollywood melodrama":

      Perfect relationship. Partner from the first date behaves as if it was this girl who waited all his life. He tells how special she is, how well he understands him, that he simply never met the best.

    The rapid development of events. Literally after a very short amount of time, the guy suggests moving on to a serious relationship in order to spend as much time as possible together. Gradually, lovers are so deep in their relationships that they completely forget about communicating with friends. And after that the guy offers to sign or start living together.

    Gradual build-up of pressure. As soon as the girl moves or falls in love very much, the partner gradually begins to manipulate her. He controls calls, meetings. Shows how unpleasant it was to him. Sometimes he blackmails her with phrases like “I missed you so much while you were gone”, “Is our family not so important for you as meeting friends”, “We are so good together and what else is needed for happiness?”.

    Full control. After a while, the girl herself no longer understands when she can laugh. After all, the movie seems sad guy, must be sad and she. You can not express your opinion, distinguishable from his. After all, it was erected on the pedestal of perfection, and that is what must be consistent.

  • Blackmail. If suddenly a girl tries to get out of control, she is usually reminded of a difficult childhood, problems with parents, past offenses. In this way, the partner causes guilt, a desire to repent and return.

  • Results and consequences of emotional abuse

    The above-mentioned disorders of physical health may not be. However, psychologically, problems cannot be avoided. Victims of emotional abuse that lasted for a long time, as a rule, experience depression, a state of post-traumatic (psychological trauma) stress, constant or periodic, but frequent feelings of anxiety, fear.

    Not excluded and attempted suicide. There is a syndrome of emotional dependence, over the need for love. Against the background of a feeling of insecurity, neglect may also arise in one’s own needs.

    Women victims of psychological abuse often develop alcohol and even drug addiction.

    It reflects psychological violence in the family and on children, if they exist. After all, they regularly observe a frightened mother, who is under constant control. As already mentioned among the reasons, children tend to build their future families on the principles of the relationship of victim and perpetrator. And part of the younger generation will obey meekly in adult life, and the second will become a rapist herself.

    The consequences of such a relationship for children can not always be completely eliminated. Therefore, it is worth knowing how to resist and prevent their causes.

    Characteristics of confronting emotional violence in the family

    Knowing how to fight back is not enough. It is necessary to find the strength to do it. Every woman is able to protect themselves from such influences. The only exception may be those cases where, due to some popular or social traditions, such a model of relations is the norm.

    Step by step you can act like this:

      Conducting a detailed analysis. First of all, you need to carefully and extremely honestly analyze your relationship with your husband, remember all the forms and signs of psychological violence and be able to admit that they manifest regularly (if this is true). In addition, we need to recall their consequences for the victim herself. A woman should reflect soberly and realistically. If the husband has deceived or has not changed his behavior after one time, then the same will follow.

    Opening the eyes to relatives. You can not pretend that nothing is happening, to put up with his role as a victim. Practice shows that to prove the very fact of such a psychological impact is very difficult. Moreover, as already mentioned, the abuser is able to easily set up friends and even relatives against the victim herself. However, the search for permanent excuses for the actions of the husband and forgiveness only contributes to their continuation.

    Care. Relationships that bring a woman emotional distress, it is best to break. And the sooner the better. Sometimes you need not look for ways to resist emotional violence, but simply find a new partner.

  • Recovery. Do not hesitate to contact the experts. Professional psychologists will help regain control of their own lives and give recommendations for action.

  • As already mentioned, the relationship with the psychological abuser must be broken. However, there may be various obstacles (finances, children, common property, and so on). Therefore, it is necessary to build a detailed plan and carefully work out each item in order to firmly know, for example, on what means to live on, where to live, how to be with children.

    How to counter emotional abuse in the family - see the video:

    Parents demean your dignity.

    They may try to pass it off as a joke, but this is not funny. If parents often laugh at you, publicly degrade your dignity, shrug off your opinions and problems, say that you are a loser and can never do anything right, then you are in a situation of emotional violence.

    Create a distance between yourself and your parents.

    1. Do not let your parents, through guilt, force you to listen to insults. When they start screaming and humiliating you, leave. If you live together, go to your room or to one of your friends. If you live separately, stop calling and coming. If you still want to maintain relationships, immediately set boundaries. Say: "I will call once a week, but hang up if you insult me." And do not forget that you should not make excuses or respond to offensive words.
    2. Try not to depend on your parents for anything. Make your own friends, make money yourself and move as soon as you have the opportunity. If during your studies you cannot do without material support, be sure to mark the boundaries in the relationship.
    3. If emotional abuse continues, when you have grown up and living separately, break ties. You are not required to maintain relationships with those who hurt you. And you should not explain to others why you no longer communicate with your parents. If you are afraid of missing a chance for reconciliation, ask yourself if your parents are showing any signs that they are willing to listen to you and understand your feelings. If not, stop communicating.

    Take care of yourself

    1. Notice which words and deeds cause the anger of your parents, and avoid them. For example, if they always diminish your achievements, do not tell them about your successes. Share with someone who will rejoice and support you.
    2. Find a place where you feel safe. This could be your room, public library or your friend’s apartment. The main thing is that you can go there when you need to calm down and recover.
    3. Consider an action plan in case of an emergency. Just because so far violence has not been physical does not mean that it will never come to that. Think in advance where you can go in this case, who to ask for help, what things you need to have with you, what legal actions you can take.
    4. Spend time with those who support you. People who have been subjected to emotional abuse often have a negative attitude toward themselves. To overcome it, spend more time with those who respect and support you, do something that is good for you. For example, sign up for a sports team or a circle. This will increase self-esteem and allow you to spend less time at home.
    5. Learn to control stress. Emotional abuse can lead to serious problems, including depression and post-traumatic disorder. Try to find techniques that will help you calm down. Try to meditate, do breathing exercises or yoga.
    6. Find positive qualities and develop them. Do not believe insults and ridicule you deserve love, respect and care. Think about what qualities you like about yourself. Maybe you are smart, generous or know how to listen carefully. Remind yourself of these qualities and find an occupation that will develop them.

    Ask for help

    Emotional abuse often involves suggestion that no one cares about you, that no one will believe you, will not take you seriously. Do not let yourself be intimidated. Think about whom you trust and ask this person for help. It can be a friend, relative, teacher. If you find it hard to talk about it out loud, describe your situation in writing.

    If you share no one, call the helpline. There is a children's helpline in Russia, created by the Child Support Fund, 8-800-200-01-22.

    Do not be afraid to seek professional help from a psychotherapist or psychologist. It is very difficult to get rid of low self-esteem and negative thinking patterns that arise from emotional violence, and a specialist can help you understand how to act in your situation. Psychologists are in most educational institutions, but you can also search for someone who specializes in helping with psychological abuse.

    1. The ban on communication

    Your partner is trying with all his might to hinder your meetings with friends and relatives. In the course are both manipulations and direct threats. The partner sincerely does not understand how you may have a desire to see someone else, because you have HE. Communication with people is perfectly normal. If he forbids you to do this, this is a sure sign of emotional abuse.

    6. Reproaches that you spent time without him

    This sign comes from the first. If you spent time without a partner, he will pester you with questions and threats. How could you have fun with someone other than him? How could you ever want to spend time without him? Clarification can be delayed for several days and often ends with assault.

    9. Emotional manipulation

    Emotional rapists know how to masterfully manipulate their partner. In the course are threats, pleas, pleas, insults. Often they make you feel guilty when you want to do your own way. The offenders may apologize and beg for forgiveness, but this is only for a while. The situation is likely to happen again.

    10. Transition to physical abuse

    If your partner pesters you with words, then very soon it can develop into a physical manifestation of power. Everything can start “harmlessly”, with a jolt, grabbing hands, but over time this can move on to more serious manifestations of power.

    Emotional abuse, no matter who it comes from - men or women, is unacceptable in a relationship. Even worse, the victim, being in such a relationship, gradually gets used to it and begins to consider such partner behavior as the norm. If you recognize yourself in at least one of the listed points, think about it! Take care of yourself!

    1. When someone makes decisions for you.

    Do you understand that you are trying to make a decision for me without even asking for my opinion? I have my own desires and needs. When you yourself decide what will be better for me, it seems to me as if I am under your control, and this is an unpleasant feeling. I want to actively participate in decision making. I am an independent person and deserve respect.

    2. When you are severely criticized

    When you speak to me in such a tone and use such unpleasant words, it demeans me. Most likely, you yourself (a) do not understand how much you are hurting me. Of course, if you want to hurt me and spoil my mood, you can continue to talk in the same spirit, but I still ask you to stop.

    3. When someone ignores your needs or refuses to help.

    I also have needs. If you ignore them and refuse to help me, I feel rejected, as if you don’t care what happens to me. Do you really care about me? If not, please respond to my requests for help. You are important to me (important), and I would like reciprocity.

    What's next?

    These are not magic spells, and, most likely, you will face resistance. But from something it is necessary to begin. To establish clear boundaries and “reach out” to a person who is experiencing emotional violence, you will need to learn to constantly communicate with him seriously, in an adult way, thinking through your words.

    Practice. If the answers above (rephrased to your specific situation) help, use them. Words have great power and can change a lot. Not all “emotional rapists” will or will want to change, but some will eventually begin to change their behavior.

    Only you can set the limits of your patience and finally decide whether it’s time to exclude this person from your life altogether. In the meantime, find for yourself the right words that will give you strength.

    Mike Bandrant (Mike Bundrant) - psychotherapist, NLP trainer, founder and leader of the training center iNLP.

    Attack of clowns: a new type of trolling scares Europe and the United States

    The United States, Canada, Great Britain, and Sweden were panicked. People in clown suits with weapons in their arms pacing the streets. They look into the windows of houses, unexpectedly jump out of the bushes in front of passers-by, scare the children. Hundreds of videos of cruel clown jokes have appeared on the web. Adults are afraid to leave the house, and children - to go to school. What is this - a new social phenomenon or viral advertising? And why are we so frightened by these innocent circus characters?

    How to calculate an abuzer

    Let's find out who the abuzer is and how it differs from those who just unsuccessfully lost their temper a couple of times.

    Lack of joy in relationships. Constantly!

    At abyuzer passive-aggressive behavior to ALL! WITHOUT EXCEPTION! He keeps you wondering: what is coming here at all?

    You shared the good news. In response, you can hear:

    - You have nothing to do. Floors would be better washed.

    - You sit at home all day, you are furious with everything ready with fat.

    - Where has got, all the same quits nothing!

    Whatever is said or done is never good.

    Abyuzer will destroy even a hint of pleasure, calm, joy.

    Satisfaction with the result, victory? Forget it! Abyuzer will convince that he just keeps you in good shape, does not allow to relax. In fact, behind this stands the commonplace envy of your achievements. The desire to stop your movement, career, growth, development.

    "I myself do not enjoy life, and I will not let you"- is the motto of the classic abuzer.

    Disclaimer of personal responsibility in a relationship

    The emotional rapist is always and all displeased. He is all bad. Former partner, some friends or colleagues, the situation in the country and in the world.

    He is a sponge for negativity. Never in any way to blame. It is all of them!

    Get ready. Today they are, and tomorrow you are. This is a behavior model. She is not related to you personally. It’s just that the abuzer is fun. И если вас не смущает перспектива стать мальчиком или девочкой для постоянного эмоционального битья, продолжайте отношения.

    Обесценивание вашей личности

    Неуважительное отношение к вашим просьбам, желаниям? Грубость и сарказм? Не-е-ет. Абьюзер не будет поступать столь очевидно. The first thing he will do is to prove by his actions that you are ordinary, just like everyone, man, you don’t have anything special about yourself, which means you have to be content with what you have. More precisely, the fact that the abuzer considers it necessary to give you from their bounty.

    And do not dare ask or expect more or differently.

    An emotional rapist always protects his behavior. He will say that you are too impressionable, sensitive, you are always complicating everything and making an elephant out of a fly. He will make you believe that you are to blame for everything. And all you have to do is collect crumbs of attention from his master's table.

    Dependent behaviors

    In each emotional rapist deep inside is frightened personalitywho does not know how to cope with the tasks of her life.

    In order to relieve constant emotional stress, an abuzer is often itself prone to various forms of dependence: hookahs, cigarettes, alcohol, computer games, showdowns with everyone in a row - on the street, in stores, at home.

    These are related things. Pay attention to this. Study the hidden and obvious habits of people in your environment in order to understand in advance what to expect from a person in a certain life situation.

    Hypocritical behavior

    The public auditor is prone to portray an idyll in a relationship. When such a pattern of behavior in families takes root tightly, people become afraid to be alone with each other.

    Hence the need for constant get-togethers, trips, companies and the like. Anything but one-on-one.

    Habit of lack of sincerity, intimacy. Denial of trusting honest relationships.

    Bright forms of emotional abuse

    • the desire to get their hands on all your free time,

    • the desire to limit your social circle, deprive you of your personal support group (friends, relatives, colleagues),

    • double standards: I can - you can not,

    • pressure and coercion to commit specific actions, including those of a sexual nature.

    For example, age difference = difference in life experience. Difficult emotional life situation? Loss of a loved one? Career change? Got fired? At this moment you are easy prey for an abuzer.

    The desire of a woman to live with a strong, mature, responsible partner often attracts the dominant rapist - a man who takes pleasure not from responsibility for his loved ones, but from unlimited power over them.

    Brain Alarm:

    • loss of life orientations, meanings,

    • no desire to do anything at all, work, create, love,

    • the inability to rejoice and share your joy with a “loved one”

    • feeling of bitterness, pain, frustration in oneself and in others.

    Voluntary abyzer will not stop. His behavior is the same as the repair in the apartment, you can only stop.

    How to get rid of the emotional abuse of a husband or wife

    First, answer yourself three simple questions:

    1. In whose hands are the resources? Apartments, money, cars, villas, sources of income?

    2. Are you ready to take responsibility for yourself?

    3. Is there a desire to do your own education and develop yourself as an individual?

    From the answers you already understand what all this is for.

    Abyuzer can not cling to everyone. He always clearly calculates the sacrifice: a weak person, vulnerable, somewhat lazy, inert, with his own complexes and limitations, fears and a constant attempt to shift the responsibility for his life to others.

    You need to work ONLY on yourself.

    Emotional abuse is a form of communication built on our own weaknesses:

    • the desire to find an external owner, so as not to strain yourself,

    • shifting responsibility for the events of your life (“They decided this, let them answer!”),

    • lack of personal discipline, organization, willpower ("I can do nothing, it is impossible!" - reason not to try to try)

    And now specifically and point by point.

    1. Get rid of inner loneliness. External violence and fear of loneliness are related things. As long as the fear of being lost, remaining unnecessary, unclaimed, will be abandoned within you, you will attract abyusers.

    2. Learn to be self-sufficient, influential and creative person. When you yourself can honestly say about your drawbacks, flaws, where that does not work or do not pull, then the subject for violence disappears and the reason for pulling you. Threads abruptly break off.

    ** 3. Become your own resource. ** Stop communicating with people for money, food and shelter. Good relationships arise when everyone has already learned to meet their needs just to survive. Relationships about the cutlet and pocket money are doomed to emotional abuse.

    4. Learn to earn and take care of yourself. This is an important skill.