In this article I will talk about how to stop being nervous. I will explain how to remain calm and cool in any life situation without the help of soothing pills, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress the states of nervousness and calm down, but also explain how you can stop nervous in general, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general about how to calm your mind and about how to strengthen the nervous system.
The article will be built in the form of successive lessons and it is better to read them in order.
When are we nervous?
Nervousness and jitters, this is the feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and activities, during psychological stress and stress, in troubled life situations, and just worried about every detail. It is important to understand that nervousness has both psychological and physiological causes and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is connected with the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to experience, an overestimation of the significance of certain events, a feeling of insecurity in ourselves and what is happening, shyness, anxiety for the result.
We become nervous in situations that we consider to be either dangerous, threatening our lives, or for some reason or other significant, responsible. I think that the threat to life does not so often loom in front of us, the townsfolk. Therefore, I consider situations of the second kind to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. Fear of failing, looking inappropriate in front of people - all this makes us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological adjustment, this has little relevance to our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let us begin by recognizing the nature of nervousness.
Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. Necessary protective mechanism or hindrance?
We begin to sweat palms, there may be a tremor, increased heart rate, increased pressure in the thoughts of confusion, it is difficult to gather, concentrate, hard to sit still, I want to take something hands, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. And now ask yourself, will they help you hard? Do they help to cope with stressful situations? Do you get better at negotiating, taking an exam or chatting on a first date when you are on edge? The answer is of course not, and indeed it can mess up the whole result.
Therefore, it is necessary to firmly understand that the tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it’s just a kind of psychic mechanism fixed in the system of habits and / or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the effects of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why eliminate it? And because when you are nervous:
- Your thinking abilities decrease and it is more difficult for you to concentrate, which can aggravate the situation, which requires maximum mental resources.
- You are less in control of your intonation, facial expressions, gestures, which can have a bad effect on responsible negotiations or a date.
- Nervousness contributes to a faster accumulation of fatigue and tension, which is bad for your health and well-being.
- If you are often nervous, it can lead to various diseases (meanwhile, a very large part of the diseases stem from the problems of the nervous system)
- You worry about trifles and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable things in your life.
- You are subject to bad habits: smoking, alcohol, because you need to relieve something stress
Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has a lot of examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand the psychological pressure, lose control and lose concentration. So we will work with you on this.
Here is the first lesson in which we learned that:
- Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
- You can get rid of it by working on yourself.
- In everyday life, there are few real reasons to be nervous, because we or our loved ones rarely get threatened, mostly worried because of trivia.
I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.
You must set yourself up as follows:
I have nothing to worry about, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and it’s real!
Do not think that I am just talking about what I have no idea about. I spent all my childhood, and then youth, up to the age of 24, experienced great problems with the nervous system. I could not pull myself together in stressful situations, I was worried because of every little thing, I even almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This had a negative effect on health: pressure surges, panic attacks, dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now it's all in the past.
Of course, it is impossible to say now that I have the best composure in the world, but still, I stopped being nervous in those situations that put most people into nervousness, I became much calmer compared to my previous state, I went to a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot of work to do, but I am on the right path and there is dynamics and progress, I know what to do.
In general, everything I’m talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I don’t invent anything and only tell what helped me. So if I were not so painful, vulnerable and sensitive young men and, then, as a result of personal problems, I would not begin to redo myself - all this experience and a site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.
So, let's go further. The first lesson we learned, go to the second.
Lesson 2. How to stop being nervous for any reason?
Think of all those events that make you nervous: the boss calls you, you pass the exam, you expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, assess their degree of importance for you, but not separately, but within the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the importance of a squabble in public transport or on the road on a lifelong scale, and is it so awful to be late for work and be nervous about it?
Is this what you need to think about and what to worry about? At such times, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, distract from the current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things because of which you are nervous will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, will turn into utter nonsense, what they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your experiences.
This psychological adjustment helps a lot. stop being nervous for any reason. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of reason, can react in its own way. Therefore, we will move on and I will explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation just before any event during and after it.
Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before a crucial event.
Now an important event is inexorably approaching us, in the course of which, our ingenuity, discipline and will undergo verification, and if we successfully endure this test, then fate will reward us generously, otherwise we will lose. This event can be a final job interview of which you are dreaming, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this should be done so that this state does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.
And you realize that an important event awaits you ahead, but no matter how significant it is, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of all life for you: you do not need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not to worry comes. This is too important an event to allow his nervousness to screw up, so I will be collected and focused and will do everything for this!
Now we bring thoughts to calm, remove jitters. First, immediately get rid of all thoughts of failure from the head. In general, try to calm down the fuss and nothing to think about. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale deeply and inhale. To relax help the most ingenuous breathing exercises.
The simplest breathing exercises.
It should be done like this:
- you inhale on 4 counts (or 4 beats of the pulse, you must first find it, it is more convenient to do it on the neck, not on the wrist)
- keep the air inside you
- exhale on 4 bills / hit
- do not breathe 2 counts / blow and then inhale again for 4 counts / blow - all from the beginning
In short, as the doctor says: breathe - do not breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds delay - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds delay.
If you feel that breathing allows you to take deeper breaths / exhalations, then do a cycle of not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.
Only need to breathe the diaphragm, that is, the stomach! During stress, we breathe rapidly with the chest, while diaphragmatic breathing calms the heartbeat, suppressing the physiological signs of nervousness, leading you into calm.
During the exercise, keep attention only on breathing! There should be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel relaxed and calmed down. Exercise is done no more than 5 7 minutes, according to the sensations. With regular exercises, breathing practice not only helps you relax here and now, but also generally puts the nervous system in order and you are less nervous without exercise. So highly recommend.
You can see my video on how to do diaphragmatic breathing correctly at the end of this article. In the form of I talk about how to cope with panic with the help of breathing. But this method will also allow you to get rid of nervousness, calm down and pull yourself together.
Other relaxation techniques are presented in my article how to learn to relax.
Well, here we are prepared. But the time has come for the event itself. Then I will talk about how to behave during the event, so as not to be nervous and be calm and relaxed.
Do what you fear
I will never be able to forget my condition at the interview for admission to the university. The tables behind which the members of the commission sat were arranged with the letter P. And before them, in the most visible place, there was a lonely chair that I was offered to sit on. I sit down and feel that I am beginning to blush. My knees involuntarily bounce, as I do not try to squeeze them with shaking hands. In my head there was a terrible confusion. I was seized not just by fear, but literally horror. This mute scene was somewhat delayed. When I was asked the first question from the field of chemistry, the answer to which I knew perfectly, the muscles of my face were so tense that for some time they did not allow my mouth to open, but my mouth was so dry that my tongue could not turn. Only knowledge of the answers and an overwhelming desire to study at this institute made me overcome tensions and speak. The more I concentrated my attention on questions, and not on inner emotions, the more I felt free and confidently answered them.
Many people, when worried, even lose the power of speech. There was a case in my life when I decided to help my classmate fix a deuce in geography. Homework was the study of the names of all countries of the world and their capitals. At home we learned this topic together, and the girl I repeated it five times without prompts. On the way to school, she again told everything without a single mistake. And when the teacher called her to the blackboard and asked to tell this task, girl could not say a single word. She explained to me her condition with a fear of an audience that paralyzed her thinking ability.
Do what you fear, then the fear will disappear (go to the dentist, jump into the water to learn to swim, sit on the bike to learn to ride, etc.). With practice you can overcome your fear. In sales training, they are often given the task of asking for money from 10 strangers or selling some kind of knickknack to 10 people. This technique is based precisely on the principle - practice and you will succeed. After such 10, 20 people you will already notice that the trembling voice disappeared, after 10 sales you will feel the fear receding.
Lesson 4. How not to succumb to nervousness during an important meeting.
Picture calm: even if neither emotional mood nor breathing exercises helped you to relieve tension, then at least try to demonstrate external calmness and equanimity with all your strength. And this is necessary not only in order to mislead your opponents regarding your current status. The expression of external peace helps to achieve peace of internal. This works on the principle of feedback, not only your well-being determines your facial expressions but also facial expressions determine your well-being. This principle is easy to check: when you smile to someone you feel better and more fun, even if you were in a bad mood before. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about it in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the calmer you want to appear, the more relaxed you actually become.
Watch for facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the principle of feedback obliges you to constantly look inward and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too tense? You do not run eyes? Are the movements smooth and measured or cutting and impulsive? What does cold impenetrability express to your face or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from the senses, you adjust all your body movements, voice, facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself in itself helps you to gather and concentrate. And it's not just that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. Watching yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, do not let them get off and lead you in the wrong direction. So concentration and tranquility is achieved.
Eliminate all markers of nervousness: what do you usually do when you are nervous? Are you kicking a ballpoint pen in your hand? Gnaw a pencil? Tie a knot in your thumb and little finger of your left foot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight, often do not change their position. Do not fidget in the chair, do not shift from one foot to the other. We continue to look after ourselves.
Take your time: hurry, vanity always sets a special nervous tone. Therefore, do not rush, even if you are late for a meeting. Since any rush very quickly brings down the composure and calm attitude. You start nervously tossing from one to another, in the end only provoke excitement. No matter how hurried you are, do not be in a hurry, being late is not so terrible, better take care of your nerves. This applies not only to important meetings: try to get rid of the rush in every aspect of your life: when you are going to work, traveling in transport, doing work. It is an illusion that when you are in a hurry, you achieve results faster. Yes, the speed increases, but only slightly, but you lose a lot in concentration and concentration.
That's all. All of these principles complement each other and can be summarized in the appeal “Watch Yourself.” The rest is particular and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would advise you only to think over your every phrase, not to rush into the answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. You do not need to try to make an impression with all available means, you will make it so if you do everything correctly and do not worry, work on the quality of your performance. No need to mumble and get lost if you were taken by surprise: calmly swallowed, forgotten and move on.
Lesson 5. Calm down after the meeting.
Whatever the outcome of the event. You are on edge and still experiencing stress. It is better to take it off and think about something else. Here all the same principles work that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting itself. Постарайтесь много не размышлять о прошедшем событии,: я имею ввиду всякие бесплодные мысли, а если б я выступил так а не эдак, ой а как я там наверное глупо выглядел, эх я балда, а если бы…! Просто выкиньте все мысли из головы избавьтесь от сослагательного наклонения(если бы), уже все прошло, приведите дыхание в порядок и расслабьте тело. Вот и все с этим уроком.
Урок 6. Не следует вообще создавать поводов для нервозности.
This is a very important lesson. Usually a significant factor in nervousness is the incompatibility of your preparation with the upcoming event. When you all know, you are sure of yourself, why should you worry about the result?
When I studied at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, I went to the exams completely unprepared, I hoped that I would carry it and somehow I would pass. As a result, he passed, but only because of the phenomenal luck or kindness of the teachers. Often went to retake. As a result, during the session I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that in a hurry I was trying to prepare and pass the exam in some way.
During the sessions, an unreal number of nerve cells was destroyed. And I also felt sorry for myself, I thought how much everything had come over, how hard it was, oh ... Although I myself was to blame, if I had done everything beforehand (I didn’t have to attend lectures, but at least I had to prepare for the exam I could provide all the intermediate control tests for myself - but then laziness owned me and I was not at all organized), I wouldn’t have been so nervous during the exams and worried about the result and for taking me to the army if I I will not give up something, since I would be confident in my knowledge.
This is not a call not to miss the lectures and study in the institutes, I say that you should try not to create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think on before and get ready for business and important meetings, do everything on time and not delay at the last moment! Always have in your head a ready plan, and better a few! This will save you a significant part of the nerve cells, and indeed contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!
Lesson 7. How to strengthen the nervous system and how to stop nervous over trifles
In order to stop being nervous, it is not enough just to follow the lessons I have outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind to rest. And the following I will tell you about those rules, observing that you can strengthen the nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, be calmer and more relaxed. As a result of this, you will understand how to stop worrying over trifles. These methods are focused on long-term results, they will make you less susceptible to stress in general, and not only prepare for a responsible event.
- First, to correct the physiological factor of nervousness, and bring the nervous system into a state of rest, you need to meditate regularly. It is very good at calming the nervous system and calming the mind. So I wrote a lot about it, so I will not dwell on it.
- Secondly, go in for sports (how to force yourself to go in for sports) and carry out a set of supportive measures (contrasting showers, healthy food, vitamins, etc.). In a healthy body, a healthy mind: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sport strengthens the nervous system.
- Walk more, spend time on the air, try to sit less in front of the computer.
- Do breathing exercises.
- Drop bad habits! Learn to relieve stress without cigarettes, without alcohol and other things. Look for health-friendly ways to relax! Drink less coffee!
- In the event that the reason why you cannot relax is the constant nervous rush, impulsiveness, constantly scattered attention, difficulties in sitting in one place for a long time, then I recommend reading this article for reading. (How to get rid of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD))
About how to relieve stress without alcohol, I have already written an article, you can read the link.
Fear when meeting
Almost every the man in his youth he experienced emotions of excitement, insecurity and fear when he met With girl. Fears are inherent in us by nature for self-defense, but also by education, ridicule and humiliation at school. And these fears begin to live in our head. The guy is afraid to approach the girl, but when worried he does not know what to talk to her about. In this regard, he prefers to sit at home, and under a rolling stone water does not flow. You are a male conqueror and it is inherent in you by nature. After all, the first girl will not start a conversation with you. Start the conquest with a smile and if you are also answered with a smile, then you can start communicating. Clenching your teeth, come and tell the girl that you really like her and how scared you are to be rejected. Fears will immediately disappear and there will be topics for conversation.
Girl when meeting and first date with boyfriend he also feels constrained, tense, as the saying goes “not at ease”. Because of the excitement can not relax and keep the conversation going.
Communicating with people is an important area of our life and it would be great if the subject of study at school was rhetoric. Thanks to the ability to speak beautifully, we make friends, family, succeed in work. Most conflicts stem from the inability to negotiate.
People suffer from loneliness only because they are embarrassed to talk to a nice stranger or a beautiful stranger.
Many people remember their first performance at a meeting, at a meeting or in front of a large audience. Fear of inappropriate to look in front of people and self-doubt decreases a person's ability to think, there is difficulty concentrating, some kind of emptiness in the head, the thread of conversation is lost, the voice treacherously breaks off, hands are shaking. It is very difficult to overcome this state, to direct thoughts in the right direction and start talking.
It often happens that in the circle of his acquaintances a person communicates perfectly, but in public closed in itself and can not find the right words.
Even talking by phone Some people, often worried, are afraid to ask again if they haven't heard something, ask them to speak slower or wait while they take paper and a pen to write down what they need. Confidence in talking on the phone comes with confidence. Never forget that the caller needs you as much as you need him. And if you call, write your questions on paper and the tension will go away.
Nervous tension can turn into stress, depression, social phobia (strong persistent unreasonable fear and anxiety in a variety of social situations), which cause mental and physiological consequences.
How to stop nervous when communicating and learn to control yourself?
It is extremely important to understand that we cannot please everyone without exception, as people are very different.
You do not have to deal with unrest, you need to take them, analyze, weigh and "decompose" the current situation. And most importantly, to find the cause of nervous tension during communication and a way to get rid of it.
- Insufficient erudition.In order to enjoy communication, one must constantly increase the level of knowledge, be interested in everything that happens around, read classical and modern fiction, listen to classical and modern music, study what is interesting for people you want to see in your environment.
- Shyness It is inherent in all people, but if it interferes with life, then we must immediately eradicate excessive modesty and get rid of excessive shyness. Pay close attention to what confuses you. If the appearance - go in for sports, dancing, singing, make a beautiful hairstyle, get fashionable clothes. Meditate, do auto-training (I'm the most interesting, attractive, charming ...). If you have physical disabilities or speech defects - experts will help.
- Little experience. Expand the communication horizons, accumulate communication experience (in the store, on the street, in the mail, in the transport, yes anywhere), and at the end of the day summarize your “feats” and praise yourself. If you wish, you can solve any problems (the first step is the worst).
- Complexes. Never think badly of yourself, do not need to look for flaws in yourself - no one is perfect. In the most extreme case, a psychologist will help.
- Diffidence. Always get ready to talk. Speak the contents of the upcoming conversation, report or lecture in front of the mirror, check gait, posture, facial expressions and gestures. Beautiful and fashionable clothes have a positive effect on self-perception and raise self-esteem. Repeat mentally convincing words: I will do it, I can, I will cope. And you will succeed, because thoughts materialize.
- Not listening skills. Often we do not listen to the interlocutor, but just wait for a pause to express our thoughts. The ability to listen to the interlocutor, to find in his speech interesting and valuable thoughts for you, call him by name, look into his eyes, make sincere compliments - creates an atmosphere of mutual understanding. Smile, openness, appropriate humor, the ability to clearly convey your thoughts causes positive emotions in the interlocutor and contributes to solving problems in a relaxed atmosphere.
- Dramatization inexorably looming important, significant, responsible events. In such cases, take the inevitable event as a given. Imagine the most negative result. Reflect on what is so terrible can happen if you are rude, not understood, denied, reprimanded, etc. Is this something to think about and worry about? This is not the end of life. You will become more confident in yourself, calmly assess the situation and more easily experience the consequences. Solve problems only as they become available. You are given a lifetime to gain experience and improve. Do not worry if something did not work out, treat it as a useful experience and learn a lesson that will be useful to you in the future.
- Dependence on the evaluation of others. Do what you need and do not wall off from people. If criticism ensues from them, it will only benefit. For the people you episode, talk and forget. Every person is full of his own problems. The paradox is that those people who can appreciate you are unlikely to do it. Condemning you behind your back is not the people whose opinion you should listen to. Chinese wisdom says: "Who understands, does not appreciate, and who evaluates, does not understand."
Most clearly and clearly, our communication problems are shaped by the American psychologist and writer Dale Cornegie in his book How to Make Friends and Influence People.
Do not think about the past, do not worry about the future, live today! Life is Beautiful!
Thanks for visiting my blog. I am waiting for you tomorrow)))
Where does the nervousness come from?
Nervousness occurs when irritation factors appear. They can be different, but as soon as they begin to influence a person, the latter loses concentration and all of his mental and physical energy is turned towards these very stimuli, switching all attention to themselves.
However, arousal nerve a priori cannot be considered a one hundred percent deviation from the norm. On the contrary, it is necessary for a person to recognize positive or negative situations in life and react to them or avoid them. But since it can be difficult to stop being nervous when communicating, and this state is uncomfortable, it is important to be able to get rid of tension.
The reaction to nerve stimuli must always be adequate. If nervousness is excessive, then this is already becoming a serious problem. Nervous tension goes into stress, depression and entails serious consequences at the mental and physiological level.
For whom is excessive nervousness dangerous?
Most of all nervousness are exposed to young people, because their psyche still does not know how to cope with everyday stresses. But even at a young age there are people who are easier and easier to endure problem situations, and there are those whose nervous system is overly vulnerable. It is this category of people most often experiencing problems in relationships with other people, communication, self-realization.
Communication is a fundamental process in the development of a personality, a necessary condition for any development. That is why excessive nervousness and constraint in communicating with others is a serious problem, due to which there is a misunderstanding, inability to concentrate on the subject of discussion, lack of satisfaction from the conversation and, as a result, narrowing of the circle of communication.
At an early age, this situation is considered as natural, but over time, if the problem persists, the difficulties are compounded and the person cannot harmoniously integrate into the society, realize himself, develop. That is why it is important to take care of reducing nervousness, until the complete disposal of it.
Why do we get nervous when communicating?
Do not worry and tune in to the conversation
The causes of this condition may be different. Nervousness appears when we only make acquaintance and do not know the person with whom we are to communicate. There is a natural situation of fear of being rejected or misunderstood.
This moment of nervous excitement lasts only for some time, until we get used to a stranger and define common interests. If for some people this slightest stress can pass completely without a trace, then people with a more vulnerable psyche continue to perceive a person with some apprehension and this becomes an obstacle in conversation.
The next cause of nervousness may be the status of the person with whom you must communicate. If we are to talk to a boss, a stern father, a man, or a woman to whom we do not have sympathy. Each of them causes you to have certain emotions - stimuli that can lead to tension, fear or embarrassment.
How to stop nervous?
Of course, no one will give you a universally prescription for how to stop being nervous when communicating. If there is a problem, then it must be dealt with comprehensively and understand the reason. Often it lies precisely in the fact that a person is afraid of being misunderstood or rejected.
A self-sufficient, self-confident person who knows how to listen and also knows how to clearly convey his thoughts to the interlocutor, whatever he might be, will probably never encounter the problem of nervousness during intercourse. That is why you need to work on yourself, be open to other people and expand the circle of acquaintances in order to accumulate experience in various situations in communication and be able to respond to them.
It is also important to be able to evoke positive emotions in the interlocutor and are not afraid to be misunderstood or rejected. In this case, you can safely communicate on various topics without experiencing absolutely no difficulties and without being subjected to any stress. Well, if any, then you either stop communicating with a person, or reduce it to a minimum.
It is important to understand that we can not please everyone without exception. Some people are more active in communication, more open and interested in new acquaintances, others are closed and prefer to discuss less.
A few rules to help reduce nervousness:
- With whoever you have to communicate, always remember the purpose of the conversation.
- Learn to listen to the interlocutor and always give him the opportunity to speak.
- Find something in common and try to show sincere interest in the area of the interlocutor’s life that is at least somehow interesting to you.
- Do not be afraid to ask questions, even if you absolutely do not know what to ask.
- Be attentive to topics that are incomprehensible to you and even more unpleasant, no matter how hard you want to succeed in communicating with the person you need.
- Never impose on people who do not take any initiative in communication.
Work on yourself
We reflect nervous attacks
Get ready to communicate always. To find interesting interlocutors and to enjoy communication, you yourself must be sufficiently interests, fully developed. Reducing the number of obscure topics for you, you can easily find the subject of discussion and talk to people of different ages. Thus, nervousness will not have a place, and you can safely share your knowledge.
Do not allow idle talk, chatter and gossip. Try to share knowledge, experience, ideas. If a person is pleasant to you and your sympathy is mutual, excitement and constraint during communication will disappear. Take it on board!
How to stop being shy
Shyness in one way or another characteristic of each person. However, if your shyness is a stable trait of character, and, moreover, prevents you, then you should immediately start a fight with her. Otherwise, such increased shyness can lead to the fact that your life plans can be violated.
First you need to deal with the causes of your shyness. Think that you are not comfortable in yourself, and what was the reason for the constraint? No matter how difficult the problem is, it can be solved. If it's about your appearance, it's easy. Change your wardrobe and hair style.
If it is a matter of light speech defects, then only a specialist will help you with this. If you consider yourself a boring interlocutor (or, worse, you are told about it directly), then reading can help you - keep up to date with the news, and it will be much easier for you.
If you don’t see any direct cause of shyness, then, most likely, you just got used to consider yourself shy. Здесь вам может помочь своеобразная психологическая «примерка» на себя образа уверенного в себе человека. Начните вести уверенно, и открыто в домашних условиях. Тренируйте походку. Ставьте речь (сделать это можно самостоятельно, самоучителей в сети очень много).Over time, you will feel that you are able to behave just as confidently and among others.
You can take for yourself as an example of any of your friends, if you consider his behavior rather relaxed. Carefully study how this person behaves in different situations, and try to copy his behavior - this is certainly not necessary to be shy. This is the case when imitation will only benefit you.
Start a conversation first
Many, knowing about their problem, argue that they are simply modest. In fact, shyness and modesty are different things. This obstacle can be overcome, you just need to start the conversation first. It doesn't matter what the conversation will be about, about the weather or, about something serious, the main thing is to start. There is no other way to overcome fear. After the implementation of this advice, you can begin to freely communicate with strangers.
It doesn't matter what the other person thinks about you.
Stop thinking badly about yourself and think that the other person has the same opinion about you. Some are afraid to appear interlocutor intrusive, pristavuchimi and uninteresting. Why should this be so? Do not try to read the thoughts of the interlocutor - no one has yet succeeded. Such thoughts arise from excitement. It's okay, of course, but it's better to get rid of it. So confidence will appear in you. During a conversation, a person can think about things that are far from the topic.
Work is no reason to fight fear
They get a job for the sake of career and earnings. If the work is chosen to combat closure, it is better to sit at home. No, this does not mean that everyone at work should silently do their work. Communication there should be business, professional. Communication skills can be trained in a different setting. And besides, at work there is some kind of framework that can bring to stress.
Choose a place for communication
Relaxation will help ease the conditions. You need to communicate with people every day - without this in any way. Life is full of situations when you have to contact with outsiders (shop, post office, hospital, etc.) Visit such places often to hone your communication skills. You can start a conversation with a neighbor on the bus or train, just need to think up a topic for conversation. Soon you will feel how easy it is for you to communicate.
Spit on the complexes
Yes, closeness, it is not very cool. So what? This complex is not worth burrowing in itself. Life goes on. Despondency only takes away the desire to train and develop. It is necessary to immediately get rid of such thoughts. You will experience discomfort only for some time while communicating, but then everything will be fine.
What causes stress?
A person who is anxious, nervous, constantly stays in the zone of discomfort. Unpleasant feelings arise before an important meeting, event, presentation, acquaintance. The appearance of nervousness is dictated by the psychological aspects of the personality. People are nervous if they fail, they hear the rejection, or they look ridiculous in the eyes of others.
Such psychological factors can spoil life very much. It is no wonder that these people are tormented by the question: how to calm down and stop being nervous?
An irritated person is not able to control life. All forces are aimed at coping with negative emotions.
The loss of control over life can lead to unpleasant consequences:
- The use of means to briefly get rid of problems (use of various medications, smoking, alcoholism).
- Loss of life landmarks. A person, fearing failures, cannot and does not want to realize his dreams and desires.
- Reduced performance of the brain.
- Stress can lead to chronic fatigue, against the background of which serious diseases can develop.
- Loss of control over the emotional sphere.
As you can see, the prospects are rather unpleasant. So let's figure out what to do to stop being nervous.
More often than not, people who are unsure of themselves have a feeling of discomfort that causes nervousness. What to do? How to stop nervous and worry? Only long-term work on your thoughts and on yourself will help to get rid of constant anxiety.
Initially analyze your fears and recognize them. Take a piece of paper, divide it in half. On the left, write problems that you can solve. On the right - intractable.
Study the problems you wrote on the left. Each of them you know how to solve. You need to make a little effort, and these problems will not exist. Then are they worth worrying about?
Now go to the right post. Each of these problems does not depend on your actions. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot influence the course of its decision. So is it worth worrying about these problems?
Look in the face of your fears. It will take some time. But you will clearly determine which of the problems were groundless and which were real.
Analyzing how to stop being nervous for any reason, try to remember the time when you were a small child.
Quite often, the problem stretches from childhood. Perhaps your parents often used the example of neighbors' children, describing their merits. This formed a low self-esteem. Such people, as a rule, keenly perceive someone's superiority and are not able to put up with it.
How to stop being nervous in this case? It's time to understand that all people are different. And all have both advantages and disadvantages. It is time to accept yourself. Learn to calmly perceive your weaknesses. And at the same time appreciate the dignity.
Day of rest
If the question of how to calm down and stop being nervous, has become very common in your head, it means that you need to relax a little. Arrange a day of rest.
For maximum relaxation, use the recommendations of psychologists:
- Disconnect from your duties. For this you need to prepare in advance. If you work, take a day on vacation. Those who have children are advised to ask relatives or friends in advance to sit with them, and maybe hire a nanny. Sometimes for a good rest it is enough to simply change the usual scenario. Plan your travel route in advance, reserve your tickets.
- Take a bath in the morning. On the day of rest, you can get out of bed when you want. And immediately take a relaxing bath. It has been proven that water treatments help relieve tension, calm the mind and help tidy up chaotic thoughts. For a better relaxing effect, add soothing herbs or your favorite essential oils to the bath. Pleasant aroma will allow much better tune in to the positive.
- Have a cup of tea or coffee with friends. If the last drink leads to headaches or stimulates nervousness, then exclude this item from your activities on the day of rest. Remember, coffee, drunk in communication with friends, has a relaxing effect on the body. A drink drunk alone increases stress.
- Get involved in an exciting business that doesn’t have time in everyday life. It's time to remember your hobbies. On this day, you can do painting, write a story or compose a new song. Perhaps you will completely seize the home improvement. A great relaxation can be reading a book.
- Cook a tasty dish. How to stop nervous? Treat yourself to delicious food. This is what you need during your vacation. After all, tasty food is one of the sources of human pleasure.
- Watch the movie. The most relaxing and relaxed way to have fun is watching movies. It does not matter if you exercise it in an apartment with a group of friends or visit a cinema.
Methods for getting out of a stressful situation
Unfortunately, not everyone can always afford to spend the whole day on vacation. In addition, unpleasant feelings and thoughts may suddenly flood. How to stop being nervous for any reason in this situation? After all, it is necessary to feel relief now and here. In other words, get rid of a stressful situation.
Psychologists give the following recommendations for this case:
- Get rid for a while from a source of stress. Give yourself a little break. You have enough even a few minutes of utter idleness. Experts say that such interruptions can not only get rid of nervousness, but also stimulate enthusiasm and creative thinking.
- Look at the situation with different eyes. When a person feels agitated and irritated, he fixes precisely the feelings. Try to find the reason that caused such violent emotions. To understand how to stop being nervous about every occasion, ask yourself the question: why did it bring me out of a state of calm? Perhaps you do not appreciate at work, or salary is too low. Having determined the source, you will be able to outline a strategy for your further actions.
- Speak your problem. It is important to choose the right buddy. This should be a person who is able to patiently listen to your problem. Speaking of the situation, oddly enough, you not only "let off steam", but also force the brain to analyze the situation and find solutions.
- Smile, or better yet, laugh. It is this event that “launches” the production of chemicals in the human brain that stimulate mood improvement.
- Redirect energy. If you are overwhelmed with negative emotions, then physical training will allow you to improve your mood and reduce the level of stress. A great method of redirecting energy is to engage in creativity.
New daily routine
How to stop nervous before a working day or an important event?
The following recommendations will allow to overcome unpleasant moments:
- Tasty breakfast. To ensure a good mood in the morning, prepare in advance for yourself what you love. This can be yogurt, chocolate or cake. Glucose will energize you and help you wake up.
- Do exercise. Turn on your favorite music and do some exercises or dance. This will protect the body from stress.
- Learn to be distracted. If a situation arises at work that makes you nervous, think about your home, family, or any thing that causes you to have pleasant associations.
- Use water. How to stop worrying over trifles? Water is able to soothe perfectly. Of course, you won't be able to take a bath at work. But you can turn on the faucet and wash the cup or just look at the flowing stream. It effectively soothes.
- Look for the positive side. If you cannot change the situation, then try to change your attitude towards it. If you are not given a salary on Friday, then there will be no temptation to spend it on weekends.
- Count to 10. The old proven way to find peace.
- Write a letter. Let paper handle all your problems. Then tear the letter into small pieces or even burn it. At this time, mentally imagine that all your troubles are burning with it.
Life without stress
Above, we looked at methods to overcome unpleasant situations. Now let's look at how to stop being nervous and start living without stress.
To do this, you need to develop behaviors and good habits that will bring a sense of peace and happiness to your life:
- Take a walk in the fresh air. Scientific studies have confirmed that such walks significantly elevate mood. Especially if you combine them with a moderate physical load.
- Do sports. This is a reliable protection against diseases, which are based on stress. Regular classes provide a calm, positive attitude to your life.
- Do not neglect the rest. A huge impact on human well-being has a quality of sleep. Chronic lack of sleep often becomes one of the factors provoking the appearance of nervousness, irritability. In addition, people who neglect proper rest have a high risk of developing rather unpleasant diseases, such as stroke, heart attack.
- Get rid of bad habits. Some people, wondering how to stop being nervous, resort to smoking or drinking, trying to “relax” in this way. However, neither alcohol nor tobacco can relieve irritability and nervousness. They only muffle the urgency of the problem for a while, delaying the moment of decision making.
Methods of sedation for pregnant women
Women who are in an interesting position, generally contraindicated excitement. But it is during this period that future moms become extremely vulnerable, and can get upset over trifles. How to stop nervous during pregnancy?
There are several simple ways:
- Spit on everything! A pregnant woman should worry only about her health. Whatever happens next, it should be made clear that the expectant mother is responsible for the child. Is it possible to put at risk the most precious thing in a woman's life? Now look at the problem. Is it worth the risk? Not! So forget about it.
- Mentally create a wall. Imagine that you are protected from the outside world. Pass extremely positive and pleasant information through an imaginary wall. Let only positive-minded people into your world.
- Be more tolerant. It is not as difficult as it may seem. It is enough to think that not all people are able to control themselves so well and control emotions, like you.
- Look for a positive in life. Smile more often, surround yourself with things that cause joy, listen to pleasant music, read interesting books.
Some additional tips
Each person should pick up those activities that will help him relax and stop nervous.
You may need these tips:
- Look at the clouds floating in the sky.
- Wash your face with cold water.
- In rainy weather look at the rain, listen to the uniform knock of drops.
- Ask a loved one to read a book to you until you fall asleep.
- Take paint or pencils and draw everything that comes into your head. Do not think about the details and the final result.
If the above recommendations did not help you, then contact a psychotherapist or psychologist for help. The doctor will listen to you, conduct special tests. It will help determine the causes of stressful situations and suggest ways to resolve them. The doctor will develop a strategy on how to stop nervous and strengthen the nervous system.
If necessary, you will be prescribed sedatives. It can be both medical drugs and herbs. Mint, valerian, St. John's wort, chamomile, lavender have an excellent sedative effect.
However, do not abuse such drugs. They will not save you from nervousness forever. Such funds can only help temporarily.