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How to find an approach to a difficult child?

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Galina Samodurova
The approach to "difficult children."

Approach to«difficult children».

Child is considered difficult in those caseswhen he is too lethargic or too restless, cowardly or pugnacious, does not obey the regime and discipline, extremely mobile, naughty, noisy. The reasons for this may be various: consequences of diseases of the central nervous system, family problems (parental drunkenness, neglect).

It is believed that no «difficult» children and have «difficult» parents or caregivers, i.e., reason «the difficulties» children is only in the wrong education. However, a detailed examination of these children shows that mistakes in education are aggravated only by congenital and acquired character traits in early childhood. In the same families and children's groups with the same methods of education «difficult» only a few are children. The behavior of these children depends primarily on the fact that they have an underdeveloped process of inhibition.

At an early age, it is necessary to conduct educational activities in a timely, thoughtful and persistent manner.

There is nothing abnormal in the behavior of these children, they do what others would like to do. for childrenbut unlike them «difficult», runaway children stop at nothing, for there are almost no rules, no prohibition, they do not recognize any authority.

If you do not take timely measures, do not teach such a child to curb their desires, to harmonize them with the real possibilities and interests of others, an offender can grow out of it.

Children, getting into a new, unfamiliar environment with an abundance of fresh impressions, for some time behave like all children, but when the sharpness of new impressions dulled, they returned to their usual behavior.

Thus rampant for children in order to streamline their behavior, it is necessary to provide as many bright fresh impressions as possible, diversify the methods of their training, give them as many errands as possible, the fulfillment of which requires activity, resourcefulness, courage, and involve them in outdoor games and walks.

If such difficult child assign, for example, a headman in a group or a responsible duty officer, his behavior is changing: from undisciplined and mischievous, he turns into an active advocate of order.

A distinctive character trait of these children that draws attention to itself is that, although at first glance it seems as if children are doing everything they please, after close observation it turns out that they never do the actions that will lead them to serious trouble.

Therefore it is necessary to observe two main conditions: The first is to prohibit a child and limit his actions as little as possible, and the second is that what is prohibited should be strictly prohibited, strictly, the child must make sure that it is really impossible to violate the prohibition.

Before demanding something from a child or something to forbid him, adults should to think: whether he will fulfill their orders, and if he can fail, then they have the desire and ability in the given situation to make him obey.

A child gallops around the room astride a chair. You don't like it and you require: "Stop jumping!"Before giving such an order in the form of a categorical order, you should think about what you will do if the child does not obey and jump, will you be able to make him obey and is it really necessary to stop this activity. If you are not sure about the obedience of the child and at the same time you have no desire or ability to force him to obey, it is better not to resort to a ban or express it in the form of advice, leaving the child to accept the corresponding decision: “You’ll be downloading for a long time. Is it time to give "Runner" rest, put him in a stall, cover him with a blanket so that he does not catch a cold? "

At preschool age, the child should know that he, without any age discounts, is responsible for those acts that are intolerable in the team and which he was well aware of. Endless moralizing and complaints: “What a bad you are!” only harm reeducation «difficult» children This only annoys and angers the little man, makes him want to do something in defiance.

Powerfully, without further ado, stop the child’s intolerable act in the collective, but support its activity in any useful matter.

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What determines the formation of "difficult" personality?

The formation of the child's personality, in many respects, depends directly on the environment in which he grows and develops, namely on the situation in the family. If all that the baby sees around him are constant quarrels, alcoholic or tobacco stench, then he is unlikely to be able to study normally, feel and strive for something better.

Many of the qualities of a child, and, subsequently, of an adult, are laid from the very young age, and, by the way, by parents. It is very important for any child that good relations reign in the family, it is important for him to feel comfortable and secure, feeling the constant support and trust from the parents. It is these, at first glance, simple truths that can lay the right foundation in a child, which will help him to continue to follow the correct course.

An interesting fact is that often the children, whom many used to call the term “difficult”, are not as such, behind the mask of a malicious paranost, whom her mother is already tired of scolding for each offense, lies an inquisitive and, to some extent excessive, mobile child.

These children are trying to get more from the outside world, to learn and, so to speak, “try” everything on themselves, and the huge number of prohibitions that caring parents set for them are able to knock them off even more with the right thoughts. From the oversupply of information, according to which “you can’t do this and that, and this,” they start to get confused and, in the end, they still do something in their own way, already waiting for punishment from their elders. Have you ever tried to resolve more?

For some of the parents, such a thought sounds like wildness, but think about it, is there much confusion from your bans? After all, the prankster did not care, after waiting for the time, turned everything in his own way, as soon as you turned away. If you are thinking about how to help yourself and your child, then just try to allow him something that was categorically forbidden before.

You should not be afraid that the child will quickly get used to the absence of any prohibitions, just this will exclude situations when a difficult child tried to make you in defiance, just because he was forbidden to much.

It is not excluded that after the lifting of the prohibitions, there will come a period of “to be in time for everything as much as possible”, until the prohibitions have again come into force, so to speak, “to come off in full”. This will have to wait, and when the child understands that your new relationship is not based solely on prohibitions and punishments, his ardor will gradually fade away.

Many parents find it very difficult to change the system of their own behavior, because they believe that permissiveness has not led to anything good yet. Permissiveness is yes, but unobtrusive control over certain actions in which the child has the right to choose - most often, it gives positive results, albeit sometimes even not immediately.

Very often, an example is given in psychology: when parents accidentally find out that their child began to indulge in cigarettes, they naturally arrange a scandal with the scattering of all flights, which often leads to nothing.

And some, perhaps wiser parents, offer their child a pack of cigarettes right at home. They explain all the harm, show good examples and so on. Surprisingly, in most cases, after similar proposals from parents, children reconsider their attitude towards cigarettes.

And so on almost any example, regardless of age. Sometimes, it is even important that the child burn himself and, already on his own mistakes, be able to build a logical chain of correct actions. Parental attention should not be focused on protecting your beloved, albeit capricious, child from all mistakes, but, watching from outside, to minimize their magnitude.

A few tips for raising "difficult" children

Many parents, in pursuit of some difficult psychological methods, lose a very important moment of raising any child - this is the ability to communicate with him.

It has been proved by psychologists that the time spent with parents exactly has the most favorable effect on the development and development of a small person.

Communication should be present everywhere and always - on a walk in the park, on the way home, doing household chores or reading a book. The more the child feels parental care, affection and love, the more likely he is to become a healthy person, both emotionally and psychologically.

For attachment and respect to arise between parent and child, they must spend as much time as possible together. Subsequently, it will be much easier for you to reach your baby, show him where he is wrong and where he should act differently.

By the way, do not forget to show your emotions to your child, if you don’t like something, don’t have to grab the belt, beatings is not a panacea at all, try to explain in a calm and reasonable tone what you don’t like. There is another interesting method in education - this is a request.

Try to negotiate with your child about a specific situation, ask him to act in your opinion, be sure to explain why this would be better and not otherwise. And the last thing that should not be forgotten is a discipline, without it, after all, after all, after all, it’s always interesting for a rogue to know where its face is.

What mistakes do parents of teenagers

By the time of transition into adolescents, children are fit without preparation, and parents with a nervous breakdown and a wave of panic. After all, everyone has heard of the difficulties of this very transition, everyone is waiting for him with apprehensive trepidation. The closer that age, the greater the number of contrived tragedies. It is necessary to understand that the metamorphosis of generations does not depend on the number in the passport, they occur without respite. And now, overwhelmed by their fears, the parents, long before the real danger, begin to put pressure on their children to keep control of them with all their might. It is this behavior of adults that provokes young maximalists to do silly things. In simple words - it is a conflict of generations, and it exists out of time.

How to behave parents of a teenager

The teenager himself suffers at this time, his body behaves strangely, new colors are added to the emotions, and not always good ones, and here also parents are curious. Just a difficult age involves flexibility and patience. The young guys themselves must understand all their wisdom, you need to get out of their way. Caring elders can only advice to adjust the course. That's just adults can not show enough wisdom, they just do not notice when their child rises a step higher and becomes closer to them. Lack of parental flexibility awakens misunderstandings and scandals. You need to know that the child begins to react sharply to everything. He has absolutely no time to sit and understand abstruse speeches, or listen to the arguments of weighted and adult decisions. Maturation is for error, and the parent alone can ensure that errors are not fatal and do not cross the boundaries of legality or humanity.

What provokes teenagers to do stupid things

In the strange deeds of young people there is no real malice. If earlier the word of mom or dad was an axiom that does not need facts and evidence, now all that will be said by them needs to be checked for truth. The teenager decides that the theory is already enough, and it is time to begin the practical verification of the world. Often children get into bad companies, trying to prove their case. Parents expect a lot of contradictions, which should not be too sharply and violently to react, because to remove them will not work, but the relationship can be easily spoiled.

We are building a relationship with a rebellious child

If a parent really loves his child, he will strive to build bridges for negotiations, even if he has lost a lot of nerves. The first board of this bridge will be that the denial of the right of a teenager to independent decisions will stop. Suppose there is an emotional cocktail in a young head, but freedom of decision will teach you to answer for them, and in the case of a miss, there will simply be no one to blame. Everyone was in the skin of a young maximalist, the memory of this will help avoid heaps of unnecessary quarrels and helps stabilize the family atmosphere. The main thing that is really important to remember is that the transitional age will end, and the memories of mistakes will remain forever. The peaceful course of maturation depends on both sides, and not only on teenagers.

Freken Bock

Have you laughed at this good-natured aunt while watching your favorite cartoon? It will not be funny when you meet her in life. She meets children and their parents in the locker room, hands on their sides. At any child's sneeze, a menacing look surrounds him and his mother, and conducts an interrogation on the subject of child health. No one hears from her proposals to fool around, and the uneaten porridge and inattention to developing activities will be considered a crime of the century.

Pros: this woman clearly knows what discipline is, and your child will soon understand this, rest assured. In her group she always has order and cleanliness, and even Carlson will not fly into the open window (it is always under control).

Minuses: she is critical to children and parents. She lacks kindness and a little warmth. In fear of her tremble, not only children, but also parents. But she will not always notice that either - you cannot call her a subtle psychologist.

How to behave: talk more. Respect her education methods, but talk about the child’s feelings and thoughts: this is how she will understand him more.

Indifferent

This type of tutors is fine: the children are beautiful, the parents are attentive, the weather is excellent. Always like this. “Vasechka how does he behave? - "Good!". “He said that he hadn’t eaten anything for dinner yesterday?” - “Well, nothing!” “Is it normal that he cries for an hour after breaking up with his mother?” - “Completely!”.

Pros: she is smiling, calm and balanced. A crumb will not feel any negativity.

Minuses: she is unlikely to understand the child and will not worry at all if something goes wrong.

How to behave: ask the child more about his life in the group, from the menu to the moments who helped dress and how he falls asleep. If something is wrong, talk to the tutor and adjust.

She is usually young and energetic. She is ready to mess with children all day long, inventing various activities. She speaks heart to heart, asks to call by name and also calls for the parents of the children. Indifference to her is not inherent, and in the locker room she will chat with you heart to heart, at the same time asking about the lives of children at home, and yours too.

Pros: With such a tutor, the baby will feel easy. He is a friend, he is valued, valued. Yes, and you communicate with her calmly.

Minuses: discipline at such an educator may limp, and after six months of talking in the locker room you will realize that this woman knows almost everything about you.

How to behave: keep a distance in communication. Если вам не нравится что-то в поведении ребёнка (в том числе в его дисциплине), говорить об том напрямую. Она не подружка, она воспитатель, и должна понимать свои ошибки.

Педагог от Бога: мягкая, нежная, плавная. Она любой комнате придаст домашнюю обстановку, научит детей поливать цветы и заботиться о них, подметать пол и даже вышивать крестиком.

Плюсы: she treats each baby as her own. Next to such a "grandmother" he feels comfortable. With her, he will know love and affection and learn important details of personal care and room.

Minuses: With such an attitude towards the child, she can read morals to parents and give instructions.

How to behave: respect, appreciate (such an educator is really a gift), but keep a distance. Attempts to chop instructions

Mary Poppins

She is smart, demanding and strict. She will not embrace the child and lisp, but for the sake of her smile and praise, each child will eat the full portion, will pee on the pot and will independently fasten his shirt. She will tell a fairy tale in such a way that even her assistant will fall asleep, and parents picking up children from the garden will begin to pick up clever words to ask about the crumbs.

Pros: she has a good discipline, children really try. It does not give free rein to emotions and clearly keeps to the taken pedagogical direction.

Minuses: discipline easily extends to parents, but not everyone likes it. The scruffy look of the child, untied braids and obscene language will not delight her. The teacher will tell you about it directly.

How to behave: correct, befitting and learn, and if something is not pleasant, speak, directly, but politely.

So, educators are different, but we are not perfect. And it is necessary to find a common language: after all, we are doing one thing, raising a child.

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