Women's Tips

What if the child is constantly fighting? How to wean?


Before you begin to raise a child and teach that fighting is not good, you need to find out why the baby behaves this way. The main reasons for this behavior may be as follows:

  1. Lack of attention from parents. The child is trying by all means to attract the attention of mom and dad. If the request "Mom, play with me" does not work, then the child begins to behave aggressively. Sometimes a fight is a way to get attention.
  2. Permanent humiliation: from both parents and peers. There are children who can simply withdraw into themselves. And there are kids who will release their insult with the help of fists.
  3. Strength is power. Winning a fight, the child tries to prove his strength before the other guys. And it does this simply to look higher in the eyes of others. Sometimes the choice falls specifically on the guys much weaker to prove their superiority.
  4. Wrong education. Unfortunately, there are families where dad raises his hand to mom (but it happens the other way around), and if the child sees it, he thinks that any question can be solved with a fight. Or the baby is naughty (tired or just attracts attention), but instead of affection from parents or tokens of attention gets on the buttocks (palm, belt). This makes the baby angrier. And it also makes it clear that the use of force is a way out of any situation.
  5. Aggression in the family. Fights between parents may be completely absent. But the constant scandals accumulate malice in the kid, and he throws it through a fight.
  6. Promotion from childhood. This does not mean that mom or dad stroked the child's head for fighting. But if the kid picked up a toy from another or in a fit of anger, he knocked a nearby child, then you need to act, and not let it go. It is necessary to ask why the child did this, and without screaming, calmly explain the incorrectness of his behavior.

Other reasons

The main reasons are described above, but it is also worth noting the minor ones. So why do little kids fight?

  1. Wrong conclusion after the fight. For example, the child did not himself climbed into the fray, he was dragged in, and he managed to fight back. In response, his parents praise him and say that they are proud. Of course, you do not need to scold the child. It is important that the baby can stand up for himself. But do not focus on this attention. The child must understand that it’s not worth it to start a fight without a reason.
  2. Media. Children get a lot of information from TV and the Internet. And if dad often looks at action movies, and the child glances, then already at a subconscious level, he remembers that a fight will help solve any problem.
  3. The child feels uncomfortable in kindergarten or school. He is hurt or humiliated there. With fights, the kid tries to show that he no longer wants to attend this establishment.
  4. Bad Company. Friends of the child love to be the instigators of the fight, and the kid is trying to repeat the behavior of their peers.

The above describes why children fight. Knowing the reasons, you can find a way out of any situation. It is better to eradicate such behavior at the beginning of its manifestation and not to wait until it is too late.

Fights in kindergarten and school

Why do children fight in the garden or at school? Before you start a conversation with the baby about the fight, you need to talk to all participants in the incident. Each child will express his point of view, and each will have their own truth.

Do not scold your baby, even if he is the instigator, and even if he is wrong. The child should know that a fight is not the way out; you can find a solution with the help of words. If a kid in a fight wanted to prove his truth, then he should let him know that it is better to prove it with a case. It will be more convincing.

If, after the fight, to immediately punish the child (as it turned out that he is guilty), then the kid only zatait malice. And this will be the reason for the next quarrel and fight. It may be that the child simply ceases to resist (will be afraid of punishment) and anyone who wants to take the offense on it.

Why do kids fight each other?

The main reason for quarrels and fights is the desire to show their superiority. It is the responsibility of parents to let a child (at any age) understand that a fight will not solve problems. The kid should be able to stand up for himself, but to be the instigator of the fight is not worth it. We must try to find out the cause of the quarrel and find a compromise. The child should know that smart people solve all problems with deeds, and weak people with their fists.

Even knowing why children fight, it is not always possible to find an approach to a child. Sometimes you need the help of a psychologist. Perhaps the child just needs to throw out the negative and energy. In this case, it is better to spend on drink sedatives.

Fights with brother, sister, household

Why is the child fighting with his parents? It often happens that parents just laugh and find it funny when a kid (for example, at the age of one and a half years) beats his mother, grandmother or sister. And later it turns into a serious problem. With a fight you need to start fighting from the very birth.

This is the first cause of fights with relatives. The child feels a sense of permissiveness. Once the parents are having fun, the baby is happy to cheer them up, once again hitting one of their relatives.

The second reason is the desire to attract the attention of relatives. Why does a child fight a year? It is not uncommon that mom and dad get tired after work. In addition, so many household chores, and the child does not have time. The baby is also tired of being ignored, he needs to express his love and receive the same in return from his parents. Sometimes the time (30 minutes daily), allocated to the baby, gives an excellent result. You can postpone the cooking, mopping and so on - these things will not go anywhere, and there will be no problems if you do them in half an hour.

The third reason is that something happened to the child during the day (the drawing did not turn out, the favorite toy broke, just a bad mood), and he tries to throw out the negative, striking someone from the relatives. Punishment and swearing are unnecessary here. We must first find out the cause of this behavior and help solve the problem.

Having learned the reason why a child is fighting with mom, dad, sister, you also need to know the right way out.

How to behave if the child began to fight?

The first thing that comes to mind of parents is to flog and put in a corner (some fathers and mothers think that “calf tenderness” only spoils the child), conversations are pushed aside. How to respond to a child's fight? Psychologists advise the following:

  1. Do not be touched when the baby hit someone from close people. And if the child has struck, then do not scold him. It is better to try to make it clear to my mother / grandmother that it hurts. If the child does not understand this, then you can ignore him for a while so that he understands that no one is friends or communicates with such children.
  2. A good option is to just hug the baby in response to the blow and not let him out until he calms down. Only after that you can start a conversation and understand the reason for this behavior.
  3. If a child is fighting, because he simply has nowhere to put his energy, then you can give it to the section. Let all the energy goes into peace.
  4. If possible, pay more attention to the baby. You can talk in advance about this behavior and tell you how to resolve conflict situations.
  5. Try not to watch movies with negative and malice with children. Control which games your baby likes to play.
  6. If a child is overwhelmed with anger for injustice (for example, he got a deuce at school, and he does not agree with this), then allow him to tear the paper, throw out anger on the pillow, and so on.
  7. Support and praise the child if he found a way out of the situation and avoided a fight.
  8. Teach to really find a solution in controversial situations without a fight. And control your emotions.
  9. Do not allow fights and quarrels in the family. If something has accumulated, the relationship can be found out while the child is walking, in kindergarten, school.
  10. If it turns out that the baby got into a bad company, you need to try to pull it out of it. You can explain your point of view to the child, tell why you do not like his friends. Take his free time with circles or other developmental activities.


It turns out that in the fights of children it often happens that the parents themselves are also to blame. Just at the right time, the child was not given due attention. The main thing when raising a baby is to adhere to the rules of behavior and to be prepared for the fact that the baby does not learn the lesson the first time. You should ask your grandparents not to spoil the baby.

If a child is fighting, you first need to find out why the fight happened, hold a conversation with the child, exclude all provoking factors in the family. And most importantly - to pay attention to the child and his upbringing.

Causes of child aggression

  1. Lack of skills to communicate with others, lack of ability to speak and express their emotions, which are just going through the roof. The child wants to convey information to others, but they do not understand him, he is still not working, therefore his fists are used. An illustrative example: a child's play in the sandbox, during which one child picks up a favorite toy from the hands of the second. The second kid is extremely dissatisfied with this and defends his right to continue playing with what he was playing with. Neither the first nor the second child can not negotiate, share, share. And this is a normal stage of development, during which it is necessary to constantly and regularly teach the child to communicate, to suggest changing toys.
  2. The child needs help, although he wants to do what he wants. He does not succeed, he begins to cry, scream, throw everything around. Annoyance and disappointment, outbursts of anger experienced at this moment, can spill out in the form of attacks on parents (beats mom, dad and even good-natured grandmother and grandfather).
  3. The heyday of the crisis is 3 years (this age crisis starts for everyone in different ways: at 1.5 years, at 2 years, at 3 years or a little later). The child does not listen, re-reads, climbs everywhere and everywhere, where it does not follow. Read more in the article "The crisis of 3 years in a child: how to behave to parents?".
  4. Lack of attention of parents. The child knows that if he starts to fight or offend someone, the parents will pay attention to him, even if it is negative. If there is no, then at least some emotions and converted views on his person.
  5. Keen on watching bad and evil cartoons, videos negatively affect the nervous system of the child.
  6. Unfavorable, bad situation in the family. If the scandals on the raised tones, screams, fights are present in front of the child, then it copies the behavior of adults. In such a family it is very difficult to raise a kind, sweet, responsive baby, because aggression is always there and manifests itself for any reason. Parents should understand this and work on their relationships for the benefit of the whole family.

How to wean a child to fight?

To start preventing a child from striking or pushing another person immediately and constantly holding conversations if they are repeated (and they will be necessary). Parents will have to stock up on the car of patience (if you did not want him at the birth of a baby? Please use!). Your actions should be clear, but not so much that today you punished the child for slapping, and tomorrow they all laughed at the same offense. How to react to the fights of the child, how to help the child correct this behavior?

  • if “no” or “cannot”, then it will always be “no” and “impossible”. And this rule must adhere to all family members,
  • play on the feelings of the child: you need to clearly show that you are offended, explain that you hurt and absolutely do not like this behavior. Stand up and silently move away from the child, stopping all started games, or feeding, etc. Do not expect an instant result, the child does not immediately build a logical chain "I did something unpleasant and my mother did not play / practice with me." It takes time and repeated the same or similar situation,
  • in relations between other children on the street, in the playroom, in the kindergarten (in this case we have high hopes for caregivers), teach the children to ask to play with other people's toys, to give their own if another child asks. At the same time, if a child is very passionate about his toy and does not want to share it with others, do not insist, and especially do not force him to give the toy to another, that is his right. He should be able to express his opinions and desires. Pay as much attention as possible to teaching your child communication skills: learn to meet, play in a team. Explain to the child that any conflict can be settled with words, fights and fists are the last thing
  • To consume a lot of energy and release steam or negative emotions, anger, write down the child in the sports section. Children's psyche is very flexible, so team sports are taught to play together, help and support each other. If the child’s age still does not allow you to go to the sports sections, then teach the house during the time of anger to beat the pillow, tear the paper into small pieces, clean it with a pen on a large drawing paper, or switch to some board game that the baby can do.

If you follow the above recommendations, then the question of how to wean a child to fight with time will disappear and the situation will improve.

Brothers and sisters fight: what to do?

Alas, it is very rare that brothers and sisters have lived peacefully since childhood. Despite the fact that they are such close relatives, children rarely find a common language with each other without the help of mom and dad. Most parents who have two or more children each face the same problem - little fighters.

Well, this is quite understandable. Children are driven by pure egoism, jealousy, and a competitive spirit. How to behave in this situation? The whole problem is that children have not yet learned how to express their feelings and emotions in a civilized way and therefore find out their relationship with the help of physical strength. Your task is to teach children to find compromises, to respect the decisions and wishes of another, and also to develop the ability to share and forgive in them.

Yes, this is not an easy task, because even adult intelligent people often cannot give in, so what about babies who have just stepped onto the path of life, which for them seems to be a little exciting story and a bright adventure. Let's try to fix this situation.

Step-by-step instruction for parents of fighters

  • To begin with, abandon the idea of ​​equalizing children in everything. No, it's not about your attitude towards them. Both babies should feel equally loved. You should not buy them the same clothes, the same toys, the same treats. Acting in this way, you simply prevent children from learning to share. If children see that they are all the same, then they realize that it’s simply not necessary to share something with a brother or sister. Sooner or later, the child may appear elementary stinginess or greed.

Your task is to provoke situations that would force children to share. For example, instead of buying each kid a chocolate bar, it is better to buy one big bar of chocolate and tell the children that they should separate it among themselves. Of course, a dispute or even a skirmish may begin, but one should not wedge into the hot discussion of their little ones until it turns into a scandal. Understand that, arguing, the children will still sooner or later come to some kind of agreement that suits both.

And if you provoke such situations regularly, then after a while the sharing of “common property” will no longer cause such a storm of emotions, but will be taken for granted. And once a compromise is found in one of the issues related to coexistence together, then compromises in other “areas” are not far off,

  • Remember that any manifestations of children's aggression towards each other should be strictly stopped. So, for example, if one child hit another, then tell the children sternly: “You should not behave this way! I will not allow fights! The culprit will be punished immediately! ” But do not take in head after these words properly otlupit fighter. It is better to close the child in the room alone for a few minutes. At the same time, it is necessary to clearly state for what exactly you are punishing him, as well as to clarify the duration of your punishment. Put a clock in front of the kid and say that only when the hands are in such and such a position, he will be able to consider his punishment over. It is important to say that you should not assign too long a punishment. Even a few minutes spent in complete forced loneliness may seem like an eternity for your children.

It is also important to say that after the child leaves the “forced confinement”, you should speak with him calmly, without resentment and irritation in your voice. Understand that the purpose of your punishment should be a good education, and not bullying and bullying the baby. The main thing is that the child knows exactly what you punished him for.

Необходимо также, чтобы ребенок понимал, что это не сам он плохой, не к нему вы отнеслись с такой строгостью, а к его поведению и именно его негативный поступок заставил вас поступить подобным образом,

  • важно также сказать, что учить ребенка просить прощения также необходимо с самого раннего возраста. Если один из малышей сломал домик из кубиков, который построил другой, то не забудьте заставить первого извиниться. Let the children understand that they should apologize not only to adults if they have committed any wrongdoing, but also to each other,
  • Do not forget about the damage. The kid should know that if he spoiled something, he must by all means repair all the losses suffered by the “injured party”. If one of the little ones has destroyed several kulikov, which the other has cooked with love in the sandbox, then you should make the “criminal” not only apologize for your act, but also build a new trampled “sand” patty. Only after this incident can be considered settled,

The most important thing for both children is to feel that their parents love them in the same way, and among them there is no one who is “worse”, and someone is “better”. Do not be afraid to show your care and attention. Remember that to love is not to indulge.

When children grow up, they always remember with special tenderness those moments when mom or dad sat side by side and, stroking their heads, said something like: “I love you, honey! And I will always love! You are the best!". Praise your children! Hearing praise once, the child will seek to earn it again. It `s naturally. For one of your admiring and approving glances, your child is ready to move mountains, and not just apologize to her brother or sister. True, here we must take into account one important point.

the child must learn from your explanations that he is not apologizing for you, not because one of the parents asked for it, but because he did not do well, that he offended the person and should correct his mistake

It is important to say at once that the process of “reconciliation” can take quite a long time. During all this time you must be patient, attentive and caring. Never deny a child a conversation, help with advice if he needs it.

If you do it right, your children will grow up as good people for life. This is a worthy reward for all your work, isn't it?

Fighters with diapers

Each family, in which children grow up, can tell more than one story about how little kids slapped their tiny hands on the face of their mother or grandmother. A cute palm was often covered with tender kisses, and soon everything was repeated, first under the adorable exclamation of all the household. Why does a child do this, because no one has taught him that?

Most likely, one day the baby accidentally expressed in such a way overwhelming emotions - the pleasure of a hearty lunch, the joy of being closest to him. In a year, a child doesn’t have many ways to express emotions, because he doesn’t yet speak a speech. This reaction received a powerful reinforcement in the form of the joy of family members. The way of receiving joy was imprinted in the mind, and now it has already begun to be called intentionally.

What to do so that such a case does not happen again? Young children can not always understand the meaning of the words addressed to them, but they understand intonation perfectly. The right tactic for adults is to take a child’s hand and firmly explain that you cannot do this! It is not recommended to scold or push the child away from you. But to caress him after the suggestion is necessary, let him see an example of how to show emotions.

If a one-year-old baby, barely having gained freedom of movement, is fighting with his parents due to numerous prohibitions, it is necessary to look for the cause in a different plane. Apparently, the reason for the aggression is that such an interesting world becomes inaccessible due to mother's and father's "no". What to do in this case? Offer an alternative that can distract from dangerous, but such attractive items - toys, safe household items, an interesting landscape outside the window.

If he fights with peers

Such manifestations of child aggression occur a little later. From about the age of two, children with a certain type of temperament (and no matter whether it is a girl or a boy) are constantly fighting with their peers.

Causes of child aggression:

  • Undeveloped self control.
  • Inability to establish a dialogue with others, not enough vocabulary to express their point of view.
  • Ignoring parents of the baby’s attempts to become independent (crisis of 3 years),
  • Attempts to attract the attention of constantly busy parents, at least in such a way
  • An example of significant adults, for whom both the cry, and the threats, and, admittedly, the cuffs, is the norm of behavior. Pouring oil on the fire is not the best examples of film production and heroes of computer games.

It is difficult to imagine that a phlegmatic or melancholic person would do so. But for a child with a choleric type of temperament, such a reaction, together with the above reasons, is quite predictable.

How to wean a baby from manifestations of aggressiveness? It is necessary to go by contradiction - not to set an example of solving conflicts with fists and shouting, carefully select films and cartoons for your child, teach the child how to solve conflicts peacefully. In order to develop communication skills, children should be explained how to act in each specific case.

Parental attention to the problems of your child, timely resolution and discussion of conflict situations in kindergarten and in the yard will help you to understand what is good and what is bad. For the most temperamental brawlers, the best way out will be exercises in the sports section. From the age of 5, a child can seriously engage in team sports, where he will find a way out for negative emotions.

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