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How to build a relationship with a workaholic: best tips

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Publication date January 12, 2018. Posted in Lifestyle

The fashion for success and financial prosperity has become the cause of one dangerous side effect - more and more people become workaholics, moreover, they are not aware of their problem in most cases. But it does not matter. Of course, it is most effective to work with a psychotherapist to overcome workaholism, but you can help yourself on your own. What can you start to do to loosen the shackles of job dependence? Let's look at tips that help workaholics relax and start living a normal life.

1. Rest regularly

Your day off is not only your legal right not to come to work. This is an opportunity, and even a duty to relax! Do not turn the weekend into an attempt to solve all your problems - domestic and personal. Surrender, allow yourself to completely disconnect from such a thing as "I have to." Take care of what you have long dreamed of, or allow yourself to just fall asleep without an alarm clock.

2. Relish idleness

The problem of workaholics is that they can not afford to relax, or rather sit back, without remorse, completely clearing the mind from working thoughts. But, the problem needs to be solved precisely in the head. We are stronger than our thoughts and can manage them. In order to cope with the oppressive thoughts that you are not doing anything now, spend a day without results, no need to concentrate on combating them. Just turn your attention to what you are doing at the moment, getting maximum pleasure. Begin to savor your idleness on a day off, stretch every minute for your pleasure and enjoy simple things that have nothing to do with work.

3. Disconnect phones and watches.

Want to really switch from thinking about the upcoming work week on a day off? Unplug everything in your house that shows you the time and date. Slowly do what you want, freeing yourself for a day, not only from work, but also from time. Usually, already in the morning of a day off, a dependent person is visited with the idea that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow he needs to return to business and he indulges in such reflections, losing precious moments of rest. Therefore, it is very effective to use the method of complete disconnection - from time, affairs, thoughts and calls, so that nothing would cloud the rest, and not return your thoughts to work.

4. Learn to prioritize

It cannot be said that one of the people has mastered the skill of correctly prioritizing to perfection, since this skill requires constant practice. Therefore, learn, practice and you will see how the work process itself stops absorbing you, thanks to which you manage to concentrate not on it, but on results. This increases productivity and in the long run solves the problem of dependence on labor. After a while you will be able to see that you no longer concentrate on being busy with something, but you will get satisfaction from the results. This approach is effective not only in the case of the development of psychological dependencies - it releases a lot of free time and vital energy.

5. Set boundaries

It is important for oneself to define a framework that helps differentiate one's spheres of life, since their mixing always produces chaos, confusion, confusion, and stress. Getting started is easy - you need to set strict limits for yourself regarding time. It is necessary to allocate time so that there are switchings in each day, and not just work, everyday affairs and problem solving. The ideal option is to distinguish between work and free time so that, at certain intervals, 10-15 minutes are allocated for relaxation and rest. Such practices will teach you to switch and will additionally serve to the benefit of increasing motivation.

6. Create a homely atmosphere

Many workaholics have one common distinguishing feature - the problem atmosphere at home. What appeared earlier - painful addiction or problems at home, can only be assumed. However, these things are interrelated. Due to the fact that a person has time, thoughts and words are busy with work - the sphere of his family relationships suffers. Because of problems at home, people subconsciously seek salvation at work. It is important to gradually deal with these problems, rather than trying to hide from them in work.

7. Understand yourself - what do you miss?

It is important to realize that dependencies usually develop for a reason, as a rule, they are the result of a systematic lack of replenishment of any basic needs. An addicted person simply runs away from discomfort or lack of some sphere in his work. Therefore, it is extremely important to find the reasons that can provoke such an imbalance in life and balance everything.

Society believes that relationships are more important than work.

For many people, this is natural, as it should be. We grow by learning that the relationships you build are more important than your work. This may be absolutely true if you are not a workaholic.

There are people who live their work. The only thing they value in this life is a career. With such people it is very difficult to build a romantic relationship. In such a relationship you need to constantly fight. It is necessary to fight for the fact that they were in the first place, and not in the second.

You will have to work hard. Sometimes it is difficult when you feel that his work is more important than you. But if you are ready to accept this challenge, here are some tips that will help maintain normal healthy relationships.

Your partner should work on this too.

You do not have to fight for your relationship alone. You have to get your partner to work on it too. When his career becomes the only thing he cares about, your relationship is doomed to failure.

This is the first thing you need to find out when you realize that you are meeting with a workaholic. Ask him if he is really ready to change, and see if he keeps his word. Only then can you move forward and try to build normal relationships.

Spend time together

Your partner probably has a very busy schedule. This means that you have to somehow adapt to it. Sometimes this means that you both have to plan when to spend time together. This is similar to planning an evening of dates, only in this case you will allocate time to spend it together at home.

Come to his work

If your partner is working late, go to work for him, if possible. You do not need to sit there for a long time. Sometimes all you really need is to bring him coffee and in return get a passionate kiss.

It can strengthen your relationship. Such a disinterested act is not just a manifestation of kindness and care. You also support him at work and make every effort to be there with him every free minute.

Maintain his aspirations and undertakings

If you meet with a workaholic, you need to remember that he is passionate about his work. That's why he works so hard. You must support it if you want to build relationships.

If you do not, he will notice. If your partner is a real workaholic and really loves his job, he will not want to be near someone who does not appreciate what he does. He will most likely choose his career, not your relationship, if you do not support him.

Learn more about why this work is so important to him.

Learn as much as possible about his profession and responsibilities. Ask him why it is so important to him, why he should work all the time. You just need to understand what is happening in his head so that your relationship develops.

Never cancel romantic dates

Both of you must abide by this rule. Your scheduled night dates are the most important thing that contributes to your normal relationship. You must have this intimate time.

If there is no emergency, do not cancel the date. This is your time when you enjoy each other. You should not even try to cancel or transfer such beautiful moments, because you risk to destroy your relationship.

Be sure to continue to be interested in his work.

Try to help him. Why can't you put in some effort to integrate yourself a little into his working life? This will not only help you spend more time with him, but it will be really meaningful for your partner.

He will see how you are trying, and he will feel that he has finally found a teammate, someone who understands his priorities and supports everything in everything.

Communicate when you feel neglected

You must constantly communicate with each other. There will be times when your partner will be very busy. You should not be afraid to express your discontent. When you see that you are neglected, talk about it before it is too late.

Your partner should be ready for such conversations. Your dissatisfaction should push him to certain actions. He must understand what he is doing wrong and review his schedule.

Take initiative at home

Your soulmate works a lot. You probably work a lot less than he does. This means that you have to take all the household duties on yourself. If he stays up late at work, and then comes home and performs a lot of other routine duties, while you are relatively unoccupied, it upsets him very much.

Work together to find the best balance. You, of course, do not need to do every little thing, but if you try to work on a par, your relationship will only benefit from it.

Help your partner relax

As soon as the workaholic comes home, all he wants is to rest. He is tired and he needs to relax. This is your chance to establish an intimate relationship.

Give your partner a back massage or gently massage his legs. Prepare a delicious dinner. These are very simple tricks that can significantly affect your relationship.

Work should not affect your sex life

It is very important. When your partner works hard, he gets tired. But the fact is, sex is really important. Despite the busy schedule, you must retire, because only this way you can feel like a real couple. Therefore, if you need, set a time and day for sex. Don't let work spoil your sex life.

Ask your partner what he needs from you.

Yes, he is always busy, and yes, he works a lot. The best way to learn how to build a relationship with him is to ask how to do this. Ask your partner what he really needs from you. His answer may surprise you.

When you meet with a workaholic, you should be prepared for the fact that your relationship will not be the same as everyone else. Sometimes it is very difficult to tune in to one wave and keep your personal life the way you would like. These tips can ensure that you build a good strong relationship. Here the main thing is not to give up, fight for your happiness and support your partner in all your endeavors.

Who is a workaholic?

Workaholics are people who do not know how to enjoy life. Often they do not live for themselves, but in this case for work. They are modest, allow themselves few, and it does not depend on the fact that they are poor, but on the fact that they do not need it. Workaholics simply sacrifice themselves. According to psychologists and specialists, these are people who are not appreciated either in the family or in ordinary life, and therefore they start to drive themselves into work in order to achieve any results there.

Workaholics never complain, but this does not mean that they have no cause for concern. Such people cannot learn to express their emotions and pour out feelings to others. As a result, there are mental diseases that are difficult to overcome on their own. How to become a workaholic and not spoil your physical and mental health? About this next.

Is it good to be a workaholic?

His favorite work from a workaholic takes all his free time - at seven in the morning he is already at work, at lunch completing unnecessary tasks, and after work, instead of spending time with loved ones, he sits at the laptop and finishes projects. It seems that the authorities should be satisfied if they have such an employee. But is it really? The manual divides such people into various types.

  • Real and imaginary workaholics.

Here once again it is worthwhile to establish the meaning of the concept "workaholic". This is a person who is dependent on the love of his work, without which he loses the meaning of life. He is not afraid of the large volume and workload - he, on the contrary, begins to enjoy life. At the same time, both the result and the process are important for the workaholic.

There are so-called imaginary workaholics. Often these are people who have low productivity, laziness or not enough knowledge for this profession. They remain in the office to the knowledge, take on many tasks, although they can not perform them. And this is all in order to create the appearance of work.

How to become a workaholic? The main thing is to evenly distribute all the interests in your life.

  • Workaholic - engine system.

Such an employee draws on himself the entire department, because he sits every day and does his job, does not go on vacation or on weekends. He is full of enthusiasm, while others are not very fond of him for that - all praise to the leadership goes to him.

  • Workaholic tired and inaccurate.

Today, large companies prefer not to get involved with workaholics, because the physiological characteristics of a person do not allow them to work smoothly, even if their favorite job attracts them. We need to find time for sleep and rest, to expand the range of their interests.

  • Workaholic emotionally burnt.

This type of workaholism arises from the previous one. How to become a workaholic and not have the syndrome of emotional burnout? You need to charge yourself only with positive emotions and give the body time to recover.

The reasons why workaholism occurs

The notion “workaholic” entered the special literature in 1971, and it meant a passion for work, a constant desire to do something.

Why do people become workaholics? There are a couple of reasons.

Workaholism in this understanding is considered as an influence on a person and his behavior of external and internal chemical processes. For example, if a workaholic works a lot, then adrenaline is released in the body, which leads to getting used to work.

This reason lies in the fact that if a person sees that someone in his environment works a lot, then he himself will begin to do the same. The positive side: if this happens in a team, then the employees will equal the best.

Workaholism can be a character trait and form even at preschool age. The main thing here is to make sure that it does not turn into a syndrome of an excellent student, which may adversely affect mental health.

Spending a lot of time in the office, people consider it a valid reason justifying their non-participation in other activities. Psychologists believe that the main problem of workaholics is the lack of ability or desire to have close contacts with others.

How to become a workaholic: tips and stages of work on yourself

  1. Working overtime is the fastest and easiest way to show your attitude towards work. But it is worth being prepared for the fact that such work is not always paid.
  2. Fate in new projects. And even if the authorities do not ask to take an additional task, then you need to independently nominate your candidature for this or that job.
  3. Active participation in the life of the company. As in the previous paragraph, you need to constantly stand for their candidacy. But only now it concerns not only working moments, but also relations with colleagues outside of work.
  4. Do your job quickly and efficiently. At first it is worth taking up hard work, because much more time is spent on its performance than on minor duties.
  5. Do more than you need. The manual adores people who are hardworking, ambitious and creative. And the best way is to show that you can “jump over your head.”
  6. Take the job home. And even if they can be done at the office, it is sometimes necessary to create the appearance of working at home.

How to make the management notice?

A "workaholic woman" is less common than a man. The management will notice the female person more likely. So what do men do?

  1. Wear good business clothes.
  2. Build behavior in such a way that people understand the importance of your business.
  3. Have your point of view and defend it.
  4. Take on complex and interesting tasks.
  5. To draw attention to their work.
  6. Be friendly, but do not let others "sit on the neck."

What will help to relax

Are you immersed in the processes with your head and working all the time, except for sleep? You know, the rest of life is also nothing: this man, who is constantly hanging around, is actually your husband, the people calling and inviting to go are friends, and the panda man with huge bruises under his eyes in the mirror is you. Perhaps it is worth slowing down?

Be sure to at least once a week, arrange yourself a day off! It will help to relax tired brain and body activity change. Клали кирпич неделю – полежите на диване с книгой, пройдитесь в парке, сходите на реку, порыбачьте. Сидели в обнимку с ноутбуком – покопайтесь в огороде, выйдите на пробежку, пойдите на каяках, покатайтесь на роликах/коньках. А йога, танцы, боевые искусства помогут держать в тонусе не только тело, но и научат справляться с напряжением.

By the way, information starvation is also useful.Do not load the brain with news about anything: who married to whom, why Tom Cruise refused the role, fight in the State Duma - why do you need it?

The final touch of the holiday will be a bath with chamomile, mint and lavender essential oils: they will help you to relax. A citrus will give energy.

It would seem simple. However, there are people who would like to relax, but they just do not know how. You don't know how to learn how to relax?

Learning to relax: apply in practice

Or “Hi, I'm Gregory and I'm a workaholic. Teach me to relax. ”

How to disconnect from work completely? How not to become a hostage of reports, meetings, burning deadlines? How to stop tearing your hair out, if you have not spent a whole hour (.) Sitting at the monitor, the mail has not been checked, and the project development has remained at the same stage? For a start, realize: if you slow down for 1-2 days, the world will remain the same, disaster will not happen. 100%.

Awareness of the need to rest - the first step to science "How to learn to relax."

So, to learn to relax, force yourself:

  1. Do not feel guilty for the rest! Rest is not a luxury, but a vital necessity. Not a break in work, but a reward for a productive week. You deserve - enjoy.
  2. Do not think about work all the time! In the evenings and on weekends, do not talk about work, problems, difficulties and deadlines. About this only during business hours.
  3. Get rid of "who if not me." As the saying goes, work is not a wolf, there will be no changes in 24 hours.
  4. Planning a cultural program to the smallest detail so that there is no “aah, what to do, go, read the statistics and make a report”. Stupid rest tires worse work.
  5. Forget about multitasking. The method of doing everything at once will not add productivity and relaxation. You will not be able to rest in one day / week as in a year. To fulfill everything is an impossible dream, a huge emotional, psychological and physical stress.
  6. Turn off the laptop. And the phone at the same time. Checking mail in the output - taboo. Dedicate a better time to the family. Calling or visiting most relatives is a bad idea. But to go to an amusement park, a cinema, an exhibition with the closest ones - why not?
  7. Finally take up the hobby. How long ago did you last knit, go to the pool, pull up a foreign language, draw? The time has come!

To cut off the retreat ways and not break, prepare in advance. For example, post a post on Facebook about upcoming plans or tell your friends. Publicity will allow to bring everything to the end, because "you promised." Buy tickets to the concert, to the water park, argue for serious - and you will definitely go, because you don’t really want to lose the n-th sum.

Self-judgment also works. Remember how a month ago there was no desire to go to * insert your own version * (the work was done!), But you did go, had a great time and did not regret it. Return to these memories more often.

You can invent a tradition or ritual. For example, on Saturday, going to the theater, meeting with friends, karaoke, spending the whole day in nature. Or every weekend go to a new place. You can think of new touches, subtleties, ways of implementation. However, the fact that there is a tradition will form islands of stability. Who is changing traditions?

Rest is important in the future not to pay with your health, to avoid chronic fatigue syndrome and burnout. In the appendix we are attaching a YouTube video from a clinical psychologist Veronika Stepanova about workaholism and its features. Do you recognize yourself? Change the situation and start with the rest. It is important!

We hope that My Tips helped you understand how to learn to relax, and you still listen to the recommendations! Share an article with familiar workaholics! And have a great weekend.

Superhero complex and fear of deadlines

Now we are not talking about those happy people who experience creative inspiration and inspiration, remain after work not because they are “necessary”, but because they are so captured by their work. We are talking about those on whom the burden of responsibility for doing work on time hangs, about those who take on more and more things and do not receive much pleasure from their performance. Taking responsibility for everything makes the superhero complex.

As a rule, this complex is found in people with a hypertrophied sense of responsibility, and moreover for things that are not worth such attention.

It seems to them that answering a dozen email is so important and urgent that because of this you can skip a family dinner or a meeting with friends, and the deadline of the project is more important than your own health and a visit to the doctor. Some kind of sacrifice is felt in this, and often the “superhero” really enjoys it.

Look at your business. Are all your calls so important that they cannot be put off? Do all emails require an immediate response? Maybe more than half of your “urgent” answers are not read by anyone at all or could have been read with the same success a week later.

This does not mean that everything should be abandoned and immersed in blissful idleness, it is just worth taking a look at your tasks. Surely you give many things a lot more value than they deserve.

Another factor that can make a person spend the night at work in the office is the fear of overdue deadlines and disappointed customers. How to cope with these fears?

First, the fact that you are afraid to disappoint the customer does not mean that you have to do everything yourself. Employees will surely handle some tasks better than you think.

Secondly, you should immediately consider the real time, take time with a margin. Almost all customers agree to wait, in the end, a good result implies the availability of time.

Hurry as a way to get away from reflection

We used to assume that successful people are necessarily busy. If our schedule is not crowded enough, we feel insignificant. People who go on vacation or even just have a long lunch, seem lazy and unworthy of trust in the business environment.

Everyone heard about the inevitable burnout, overtaking people who work a lot. But workaholics tend to forget about such "fairy tales." They strive to keep their schedule as tight as possible, scatter all their activities and habits and make sure that there is no free time left.

Maybe they are simply afraid of what life will turn into if they suddenly stop rushing and concentrate?

In the depths of our hearts, we all fear that we are not spending time on what follows. Just keep up the pace, do a lot of things and constantly rush to where it’s safer than diving into self-analysis with possible unpleasant discoveries.

Our crazy days are really just protection from the void.

Slow does not mean ineffective

If you have the habit of constantly rushing and doing a lot of things, it may seem that the measured pace of work does not bring results, that working slowly is the same thing as doing nothing. This is a gross mistake.

If you use time correctly, slowness can be one of the best sources of efficiency. There are companies that work calmly, but effectively, there are people who are not in a hurry, but they are still in time.

Such companies do not save lives and do not wage war, they are fully aware that they simply provide services, and their owners and employees live life to the fullest. They work from nine to six, and on Friday even less, do not answer calls at night and are not available on weekends. They have clear boundaries; they give customers workable and fair deadlines. Business is booming, and everyone is happy.

“It sounds cool,” you thought, “but what about the convictions of my boss, company, clients?”

Maybe you're right. Sometimes working late is necessary, for example, when you yourself have created a problem and need to fix it in your free time.

Sometimes, before starting a task, you need to get comfortable with new tools, and you can spend your free time on this too.

In addition, some businessmen continue to do their work after working hours, because they love him and sincerely captured them, and not because they are afraid of overdue deadline.

But this does not mean that it is impossible to achieve a pleasant harmony between work, rest and play. How to do it? Start searching, trying and finding your schemes. This process will certainly be fascinating for you, though not always easy.

Here are eight ways to slow the pace without compromising work. Try them this week, start today or tomorrow.

1. Slow down

Someone once said: "The problem with the rat race is that, even if you won, you are still a rat." When we calm down and slow down the pace of work, priorities appear more clearly.

If you are busy more than you would like to be, slow down and concentrate on the “here and now” moment. Be in the present, pay attention to where your energy goes. Gradually, healthy priorities will permeate your life.

5. Stay in silence

Turn on the mode "In the plane" - it will save you from incoming calls and messages. It will not be easy, but you can fully concentrate on the business and turn on the smartphone only when you really need it.

And stay away from social networks and email - these are still useless time killers who just add fuss and create the illusion of employment.

7. Avoid multitasking.

It is ineffective, and if someone convinces you of the opposite, then he lies. It is better to leave more time to perform a specific task and do not allow employees to pull themselves on the performance of others.

At first they can be unpleasantly surprised by your refusal to help and get involved in the work, but then they will get used to it, that if you ask not to interfere for a while, then you have to do it.

8. Say no

When you decide whether to take responsibility for some business or to entrust others, to stay after work or not, ask yourself, what dictated this desire: fear or love? If by fear, politely refuse and offer an alternative - this is another opportunity to display creative thinking.

Try to follow these rules for a week. I think you will be surprised at how much more beautiful, free and smooth your time will be and how much will be done.

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