The statistics are disappointing: psychologists say that more than half of the adults who turned to them for help suffered from bullying from other children in their childhood. Bullying, or speaking in modern language, bullying is a frequent occurrence. It is hardly possible to eradicate it, but it is definitely necessary to fight it. What to do in such cases, we will tell further.
Alien among his
Previously, the explanation of bullying was simple: a child who allows himself to mock others, in fact, unsure of himself, because this way he tries to compensate for his fears.
But numerous studies have refuted this fact. After all, it turned out that the aggressors, for the most part, are strong enough in spirit and ambitious. Why do they behave this way?
The explanation is quite banal: this is the norm for the collective in which the bully constantly resides, and, moreover, it is constantly encouraged. Sometimes these antics are a way to confirm your credibility in the company or an attempt to prove what he is capable of.
Anyone can become a victim of persecution. But most often these are those who can not stand up for themselves and fight back. And also introverts who always keep out of the team, less often children who behave defiantly.
The hook can be any: thick, thin, "bespectacled", mumble, stutterer.
The difficulty of this problem lies in the fact that parents, as a rule, learn about it after the fact. The child itself will most likely be silent and assure everyone that everything is in order, despite dirty or torn clothes, bruises, scratches, and damaged office supplies.
A call to the fact that immediately demands to pay attention to the relationship in the school may also be a refusal to attend, excessive closeness, sudden tantrums, anger. If before this meeting and chatting with friends were regular and suddenly faded away, be sure to ask why.
Next you need to start to act. But only guided by reason, not by emotions. After all, often the first desire that arises in adults in this case is to get revenge, talk to the abuser’s parents every day or, even better, to discuss this sensitive issue at a parent meeting.
All this is absolutely not recommended. It is unlikely to help in this way, but to worsen the situation completely. After all, the child from this moment can become not only a “fat one” or a “spectacle”, but also a “sneak”, “nurse” and “mother’s son”.
So what should you do? Here are some tips:
- Explain to the child that you support him, and he does not deserve such an attitude. That together you will try to find a way out of this situation.
- Reorient. If the harassment has only a verbal expression, then it is worthwhile to find out how authoritative the abuser is for the child. Often his opinion is decisive for many. The task of the parents in this case is to re-prioritize, and recall that the parents' opinion is more authoritative in this case, and the support is unconditional.
- Chat with the teacher. This is especially true in the lower grades, where the role of the teacher in the team is quite large. Bulling is not the problem of the aggressor and the victim, but of the whole team. After all, there are always those who support the bully, and those who observe. And they are all participants in this process.
- Learn to defend yourself. No, it’s very bad to be the first to get into a fight. But to defend - well, if there is a physical mockery. If there are no defense skills, you can give the child to the sports section, but immediately set the rules - just defend yourself.
Being able to answer verbally to put the abuser in place is also a good way. A caustic and caustic word will put the aggressor in place or put into a stupor. Several such times, and he does not want to get involved with someone who can “prick” himself at the right moment.
- Consult a psychologist. Sometimes relatives are not able to find a way out of this situation and suggest how to behave correctly. Then you should consult a specialist. He will help to lose the situation in the faces, and will give effective recommendations, adding the correct algorithm of behavior.
- Transfer to another school. To some it may seem like a flight. But actually it is not. In particular, if the persecution acquired a global scale, and it was joined by the majority of the collective. Normally to exist in it will not work. If you decide to do it, stay on your own. Even if everyone will assure you that the aggressor has changed.
Bully hard part with their victims, because there is a need to look for a new one, and start all over again. Because they can start to act like a good boy, and even pretend that they are ready to make friends. But this is a hoax.
It is worth preparing for the translation. It is wrong to look for a school and a class where “they are not bullied”. It is important to make a bias on good teachers, additional interesting subjects.
And it is also important to teach the child not to perceive attempts at acquaintance, support and friendship "in hostility."
But where to go if nothing helps? In social services or services for children's rights, guardianship bodies. You can defend the law with the help of a lawyer and law enforcement agencies, if the situation has gone too far and it cannot be resolved peacefully.
Bulling is still easier to warn than to fight him. To do this, first of all, learn to listen to children, as well as strengthen their confidence in yourself and your abilities.
What kind of bullying can a student undergo at school?
Harassment in the school child today will not surprise. Recently, this phenomenon has become particularly cruel and sophisticated. Class students never remain indifferent to what is happening: everyone has their own position.
The student team is usually divided into those who scoff, those who scoff at, and those who stand aside and keep neutrality, because they are afraid to join the first or second camp. According to statistics every sixth child in a modern school experiences harsh treatment. This is the official data. And in the lives of these children many times more.
It all starts with jokes, which over time acquire a similar style of communication, and sometimes turn into insults, which are characterized by systematic (and systematic, this is torture! Read more here) and the desire to touch feelings, offend, bring to hysterics.
The forms of expression of such aggression may be different, but it is always clear: a child unsure of himself is a victim of a more confident one. Bullying can be classified as follows:
Bullying a child is a criminal offense. only if the act of adolescents harmed or deprived of life.
As a rule, they are rarely found in pure form. In practice, it is always a mixture of them. It is clear that physical mockery is possible only through face-to-face communication, but verbal and psychological occurring today and distancedly, when using the telephone, the Internet, leaving indecent records on the walls of houses, on the asphalt.
Verbal abuse and liability
Let us consider in more detail the types of verbal insults and their classification, we define the degree of responsibility for such bullying.
- Personal Insult. It has the form of offensive utterances during a meeting, showing its rejection with the help of gestures, ridiculing clothes, hairstyle, and social status. This kind of bullying can occur face to face, and possibly be done publicly. It is characteristic mainly for girls.
- Insults for religious, national reasons. At the same time, the child's pride associated with religious world outlook, with the implementation of traditions that do not harm society, is degraded.
- Insults in various social networks. Modern life is no longer without a computer. But it can carry a threat and infringe upon the dignity of the child. The group they created in contacts is not always harmless. This is also a society, but only virtual. And no one there interferes with insulting a child by placing offensive words, photos that degrade the honor of a child.
- Insult by means of mobile communication. Regular calls with words of rudeness, obscene statements using the phone.
In the absence of aggravating circumstances, every insult (in the case of evidence) is administratively punishable.
Art.5.61 of the Administrative Code provides for punishment for insulting a child in the form of penalties. Until the age of majority, parents will be responsible for this type of bullying for their child.
The amount of the fine is determined by the circumstances under which the insult was inflicted, how well the evidence was collected. The complaint is filed with the legal representative of the victim (parent, guardian).
What can be done to protect the child?
- Visit the school, talk to the teachers and try to find out: the teachers are aware of the fact that they are bullying the child in the classroom (school). If they know what is being done. Teachers may be aware of, but not take any action. For such an attitude, they too can be brought to justice.
If the teaching staff is aware of what is happening, he can take action to prevent bullying. Constructive communication between teacher and parent is a guarantee of saving the child from insults. This is the most effective way to solve a problem.
Unfortunately, there are cases in practice when insults are addressed to a student by the teacher: for appearance, for poor academic performance, for unlucky parents.
In this case, do this:
- meet the teacher and talk in person
- file a complaint to the director
- apply to the Conflict Resolution Commission,
- write an appeal to the court, the prosecutor's office, the inspection on the control of education.
Upon establishing the facts of mocking your child, you have the right to demand:
- disciplinary action (school proceedings)
- administrative liability (or even criminal). According to art.5.61. CAO for insult followed by penalties for citizens - ranging from 1,000 to 3,000 rubles, officials are fined from ten thousand to thirty thousand,
- compensation for moral harm in the case of going to court (Art. 151 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation) with evidence of such: depression, an appeal to a psychologist.
Section 151. Compensation for Moral Harm
If a citizen suffered moral damage (physical or moral suffering) by actions violating his personal non-property rights or encroaching on intangible benefits belonging to the citizen, as well as in other cases provided for by law, the court may impose on the violator the obligation to compensate for the specified harm.
In determining the amount of compensation for non-pecuniary damage, the court takes into account the degree of guilt of the offender and other circumstances worthy of attention. The court must also take into account the degree of physical and moral suffering associated with the individual characteristics of the citizen who was injured.
A more dangerous type of bullying towards a child is physical bullying. It is always associated with the beating. If you can not know about verbal abuse, then the results of physical impact are expressed openly in the form of bruises, bruises, fractures.
Harm to health entails criminal liability.which comes from 16 years. But there are a number of articles of the Criminal Code, according to which the teenager himself will have to be punished from the age of 14. These include:
Physical effects can lead to the above consequences, and the teenager will have to answer for them.
Until the age of fourteen, parents are responsible for the actions of their children.
Article 1074 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation states that adolescents under 14 years old are responsible for the harm caused. But in the absence of their income, they will have to pay damages to their legal representatives if they do not prove that the harm was not caused to them.
We talked in detail about the algorithm of action in the event that the child was harmed by his peer in this article.
- Find out the jurisdiction of your case. Cases of this kind are the jurisdiction of the magistrates.
- Free form application (electronic forms are practiced) with the passport data of the applicant, his address. In the text part - a statement of the essence.
- Evidence collection. The evidence base must be very persuasive. These can be photographs, videotaping, audio recording, eyewitness testimony, account screenshot (notarized).
- Receipt of payment of state duty.
Each parent, if necessary, will protect their child. And from bullying too. Faced with a similar situation, it is necessary to study the legislative framework in order to competently conduct a dialogue. Knock on all doors! If necessary, contact the judicial authorities. Take care of your child from bullying at school. Here lies the guarantee of a happy life for everyone.
If you suspect or have confirmation that your child is being abused or harassed, visit the school. Do not delay it. Objective: to find out whether the teachers know that in school, in the classroom, there is a real persecution of children.
If they know what they are doing to protect children? Remember: teachers are able to control and take measures to prevent further violence. The close cooperation of parents, teachers and children can reduce the likelihood of bullying children in school. Successful parent-teacher collaboration is protection for children.
How to choose a victim
It is considered that the victims of bulling are chosen for objective reasons - there must be some reason. Indeed, a child can be teased for being bespectacled. Or red. Or acne. Or the smartest. Or the stupidest. The most silent. The most intrusive ...
In fact, the object of ridicule can be any feature of the child. Are there any children without any features? If so, the reason for the bullying can be the fact that this boy, unlike the others, is “the most common.” The victim can be teased even for the “missing” feature - sometimes the numbered child in a class gets the nickname “fat”.
“In elementary school, I wore braces. It helped. But they stopped calling me krivozuboy only in the lyceum "(Nina).
According to research results, victims of harassment are more sensitive to ridicule, brighter (“funnier”) react to bullying. However, most likely, this is not the reason for the bulling, but its natural result. If the child has already become an outcast, the advice "do not pay attention" or "they get tired of it, they will be left behind" will only bring harm. Do not get bored and will not leave. Perplex equanimity will only rouse the tormentors.
Any child can become a victim of persecution. And most often the reason is not in the peculiarities of the children, but in an accidental set of circumstances.
Types of bulling
The main types of bullying four. And in most cases they alternate and complement each other.
Physical bullying can range from “innocent” buttings to the most severe beatings. In the view of parents, they are the most dangerous. However, physical abuse is noticeable - and this increases the chances that the child will be helped in the end.
Therefore, in order not to leave evidence, torturers can use emotional or psychological bullying. As in the case of physical abuse, the range of psychological impact is very wide - from dismissal of dirty rumors about the victim to collective disregard.
Emotional bullying is often confused with the usual unpopularity in the classroom. However, inattention and contempt are completely different things. It is uninteresting to communicate with an unpopular child, with an outcast it is dangerous: you can be in his place.
“On Valentine's Day at the entrance to the school, hearts were distributed with numbers so that everyone would find a pair. Who will find - the candy. It turned out that the boy from my class had one number with me. Upon learning of this, he defiantly tore his heart " (Maria)
«Серая мышка» может привлечь внимание интересным увлечением, учебными успехами, новыми гаджетами. Затравленному это принесет только вред. Его положение схоже со статусом задержанного из криминальных сериалов — все, что он сделает, будет использовано против него.
"New phone? Parents want you to feel less flawed? ". "What a beautiful dress! It's a shame that it hangs on you like a scarecrow. ”
This is a verbal harassment. Depreciation. And you can devalue absolutely everything. If the boy goes swimming, everyone will ask if the swimsuit is too tight for him. Will be engaged in boxing - they will “teach to take a punch” at every turn. If a girl instead of glasses will wear lenses, classmates are very "upset", saying that the glasses at least hid her "curvature."
Verbal harassment easily turns into cyber-bullying - bullying in the Internet space. For today's children, the information space is much more realistic than for their parents - but Internet harassment also happens online. You can not take a break from hooligans at home - a child can be chased almost around the clock, keeping the victim in a wound state until the next school day.
In pursuit of status
As practice shows, the whole class is involved in the persecution.
The main hooligan of the class usually acts as the instigator, but they can even be a round high school student who is in very good standing with teachers and the directorate. Feature of the instigator is a high and often inadequate self-esteem. He is completely satisfied with the communication and believes that his status among classmates is high - because in order not to become a new victim, other children obsequiously “respect” the instigator. The results of anonymous research, however, show that the pursuer is the last person with whom most of the children actually would like to communicate.
Also, the instigator considers himself too good (!), And this illusion does not disappear even if the aggressor is directly pointed to his cruel actions. The classic justification of the instigator - "if it were not for me, the victim would have been much worse."
However, baiting is not a conflict between the instigator and the victim. In a conflict, the forces are approximately equal. In the case of harassment there is a significant imbalance, which is achieved by the assistants of the pursuer.
Like the leader, they have extremely low real class status. But, unlike the instigator, no one wants to follow his henchmen into the open, which makes them even more violent. Ultimately, it is the assistants who are directly involved in the persecution, while their boss is only developing a plan to humiliate the victim.
When bullying disrupts the normal development of the victim: reduced self-esteem, there are anxiety and depressive thoughts. However, the pursuers' habit of resolving all issues by force is also a violation of adaptation. As practice shows, having matured, these children constitute the main body of prisons in most countries of the world. Ultimately, bullying does harm to them.
The victim sometimes has defenders. Most often, they become emotionally mature children who genuinely empathize with an outcast and are ready to intervene in a situation if the violence passes all bounds. Their participation (even the usual emotional support) is very significant, but there is a downside: if the victim needs “lawyers”, this can be another reason for ridicule.
Assistants of the victim have one of the highest statuses in the class - it is he who helps defenders from time to time stand up for the victim, without in turn becoming an object of harassment.
However, most of the class remains bystanders, not supporting the bullying, but not hindering it. Sometimes inaction due to the fact that they are afraid to be on the site of the victim. However, observers may even approve the harassment, as the constant mockery of another student supports the self-esteem of the “dumb” participants of the harassment.
«We had one girl in class. She herself was not involved in the persecution. But when they beat Seryonka, she always approached and looked silently with a smile. It looked scary» (Maksim)
Children who are “innocent” also suffer from bullying. Seeing what their classmates are capable of, the dumb witnesses are afraid that tomorrow the wind in the classroom will change and the role of the victim will have to be played by them. Such children, even possessing abilities, try to “keep their head down” in the classroom and remain in the middle position. In addition, the role of witnesses leads them to a pathological fear of public condemnation, which can seriously interfere with self-realization in adulthood.
The role of the teacher
There are two opposing, but equally harmful myths about the role of the teacher in school harassment. The first is that the teacher does not know anything about bulling, so bribes are smooth from him. The second is that the teacher is well aware of what is happening in the classroom and will figure it out without parental involvement.
The first myth is supported by the teachers themselves. If the mother of the child comes to school and complains to the classroom about harassment, in most cases he will pretend to hear about it for the first time. However, as studies show, teachers are not only well aware of harassment, but are also able to describe the real structure of a class better than psychologists, armed with the most accurate methods.
However, contrary to the second myth, teachers do not want to change the situation. Moreover, sometimes teachers themselves are involved in the persecution of the child. Humbly comment on the response of the victim. Put a lower score. “They do not notice” how a child is stabbed in the school corridor. It would seem a trifle, but the aggressors understand - the teacher is “his”.
“Not to run away, they moved the desks and pressed me against the wall. Once, an Englishwoman noticed this and scolded them for damaging school property. She was violet on me. ” (Oleg)
Such behavior is more characteristic of young teachers. In a situation where the teacher’s salary tends to the budget level of the subsistence minimum, and it’s just inconvenient to talk about the prestige of the profession, passive participation in harassing the victim is one of the few ways to increase your credibility with the rest of the class. However, experienced teachers do not shun bullying - because in the absence of a real goal, hounding the victim really helps to unite the children. Primary school teachers who are able to identify the victim themselves use the threat of humiliation as an additional burden to a bad evaluation.
Sometimes teachers set up against the child not only the class, but also the parents who came to deal with the situation. Most often, it is served in a beautiful wrapper: “Your child is so smart (thin, vulnerable, talented) - ordinary children will inevitably poison him.” It is impossible to believe this - the teacher does not praise the child, the teacher blocks himself. However, sometimes teachers directly accuse parents of not teaching their son “to interact with the team”. In this case, the teacher should be reminded that the team is a group aimed at solving socially useful goals, such as learning. A class in which the main goal is to persecute the victim cannot be called a collective.
“Our class teacher is good, he will not do this,” many people think. Unfortunately, not a fact. Even good teachers sometimes fall to the persecution. Often, an unconsciously hunted child unwillingly causes many teachers to reject.
“I hated most of all when my mother came from the parents' meeting and told her grandparents how“ we ”were lucky with the class teacher. And this wonderful cool girl loved to joke about the fact that the business style of clothes suits everyone except me, because everything is like a saddle on a cow ”(Alina). One day, mom nevertheless took time off from her factory to the “honored teacher” who was driving the after-meal. Mom was told "Your daughter is too stubborn, and she needs to be broken."
Of course, the opinion of teachers can be, and in some cases you need to listen. But for the parent in the first place should not be the interests of the "collective", and the feelings of his own child.
What to do
There are no universal recipes for dealing with harassment in school. However, it is important to remember: there are no children who are hounded, there are classes in which anyone can be bullied. You can not blame the child, call him a wimp, forcing him to surrender. Will not help. At best, the victim will no longer be beaten - however, no one will prevent the offenders from calling their names or imperceptibly spoiling the things of the child. But most likely, the attempt to repulse simply breaks off any brakes to the offenders. Advice of not paying attention can help at the stage when the class only chooses the victim - in this case there is a chance to fall into the category of observers (however their role is also unenviable).
Bullying is a class disease, and it needs to be addressed systemically. If the teacher is adequate, you can turn to him for help. But adequate - not polite, not a good subject, but one that is ready to really deal with the problem.
Sometimes it is possible to find support from other parents. Mums and dads of other victims, their advocates, and sometimes bystanders may be on your side. Help can come from the most unexpected side - often the parents of the ringleaders are horrified when they find out what their child is actually doing at school.
If support is found, the class will have to work in a complex. How exactly - well written in the article by a psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya. It is important to remember: the sooner you can identify a problem and start work, the greater the chance of success. In elementary school, the authority of an adult is higher, and relations in the classroom are more plastic.
If the problem is not solved, it is better to move to another school. However, you can not turn it into an escape. “Where they won't hit” is a bad motive. You need a good reason - to transfer to an institution with a higher level of teachers, or a good gymnasium, or aesthetic bias. It is best if the child himself chooses the school in accordance with their interests.
“I can’t say that in the beginning I was directly persecuted, but I remember that the attitude of classmates was the best motive when I entered the gymnasium” (Sveta)
To transfer should be prepared. Often, hunted children, getting into a new class, out of habit, perceive even the most benevolent jokes of classmates as a threat and avoid communication. This does not make the child an outcast - but the role of the gray mouse is also not the most enviable.
For help, it is better to contact a psychologist - simple instructions are unlikely to help. You can contact a private or public specialist. And you can - to the psychologist in the school where the child is going to go. To pull on a visit should not be: psychological trauma is not a cold, and is not treated in one session. In addition, it is good if the psychologist will work with the child and during the period of adaptation in a new team.
How is bullying manifested?
It is of several types:
- Verbal. The victim comes up with offensive nicknames, humiliating her and insulting her. Hurtful words here - the main weapon. With
- verbal persecution may be a parallel short-term boycott by enemies or a complete refusal to communicate with an outcast.
- Physical violence. The beating of the victim, daily blows, as it were, “by chance”, damage or removal from the outcast of personal belongings.
- Cyberbullying. This method is quite common in recent times. Harassment on the Internet is manifested through anonymous threats,
using hacking pages and through the publication of screenshots and videos with the victim of intimidation.
But most often these kinds of violence go together.
How to recognize a potential aggressor?
If you carefully follow the company or class, then the aggressor is easy to calculate with the naked eye. He often laughs at the team or individuals. Perhaps, just laughter picks up one of the first, if the instigators of harassment are different people. Such active children are prone to violence.
Social, economic and even climatic circumstances affect the desire to make fun. But more often than not, a child is able to take out his own problems for others, if he is also treated at home, he has difficulties in his family or lives in adverse conditions. From here comes another reason - a lack of attention in the family. The child thus tries to draw attention to himself, and poisoning others with his aggression.
Often, the aggressors are leaders who realize themselves not at the expense of really positive qualities, but at the expense of bullying peers. And it is very sad that other children pick up his actions. Such leaders are not able to materialize in their studies or sports, they can only poison the weaker children. They will never pester strong or older ones, because they will quickly lose their leadership qualities, even if they are dubious.
Aggressors can be not only boys, but girls too. Male aggression is manifested most often by fights, and female - by gossip and bullying.
How to deal with aggression?
Prevent this behavior should be at the first manifestations. If the persecution occurs in the school walls, the teacher must stand up for the child, who is bullied by peers. It is necessary to work separately with the aggressor and the rusher.
Parents of both parties should be put into the course of the problem immediately, because they most often learn about the harassment of their child or their child last. And already when the situation is too running.
Why do parents find out about this last? It's simple. Aggressors at home behave differently, and victims may simply keep silent about such situations in front of their relatives.
How to understand that your child has become an object of bullying?
If you suspect a child is being bullied at school, talk to him about it, but be careful. Conduct a conversation in a calm tone so that the child can see a defender in you. Ask him about relationships with classmates, teachers, and other children. If trust reigns in the family, then the child will not hide information about bullying, because he will see support in the person of his parents.
Victims of aggression complain of poor sleep and appetite, problems may develop that concern not only the psyche. A child's mood can change dramatically, anxiety, stuttering, and nervous ticking appear.
If every morning the child refuses to go to school and cries during questioning, this is a direct sign of harassment. Pay attention to the scuffing feet. It indicates that the child is under stress. With physical violence on the body, you can find bruises, abrasions, cuts.
Child’s actions if he or his friends are being bullied at school
First of all - tell your parents, not paying attention to the fact that their peers were frightened that if he tells you - it will be worse. With the active and adequate connection of the parents of both parties, the guilty will be punished, and the persecution will end, almost without starting. Otherwise, parents will help with the transition to another school, which will help solve the problem.
If the persecution is verbal, the main thing is not to give in to provocations. Do not respond with rudeness to rudeness. Ignoring will help you leave offenders with nothing.
If you hurt a friend - do not throw him. Flipping over to the enemy side is easy, but there is nothing heroic about it. When the victim feels supported, psychologically, she is much easier to survive bullying than when she is alone. Always protect each other.
No need to endure harassment. If your child has such problems in school and the teachers do not respond, the only way out is to transfer the child to another school. Increase student self-esteem, do not criticize. In the neglected case it will be true to show the child to the psychologist.
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